framed

i spent a good part of yesterday night painting and attempting to draw on the desktop chest drawer set that i got awhile back from ikea but found no time to unleash thy fury of limited creativity. haha. but what a sense of finality, when i had finally begun to add colours to it. i've always had this notion - the day i finish doing something crazy to it is the day i'd feel a wee bit more complete and organized in my stationery life. haha. what stationery life? just can't tahan a messy table. one of the peeves :s organized stationery + filling in the daily planner makes me feel very satisfied, accomplished and organized. hahaha. but the point is that i loved life then, for its apparent slowness and lack of urgency in those dawdling moments, while i wiled away the evening and night, relishing solitariness - the lone brush - with slow jazz music perfusing every corner of the room. i felt Order.

pictures soon (: the backlighted photo of the evening sky from the post before this still trumps the rest. sweet. thanks you smelly kaya for your awesomeness in taking awe-full photos ;)

***

and i'm home from kampuchea-cambodia. it was an amazingly fulfilling slightly-over-a-week-long trip. so much to speak/share about and tell of. so many faith-building stories, humbling conversations and preciously few but treasured exciting adventures! but, words and language fails to give justice to this experience. it's an odd reality; this bittersweetness - a country so broken, this reversed progress of a nation. yet, it is juxtaposed with a people of quiet resolve and resilience, a fierce determination to overcome fuels their enterprising thrust and a thirst for a better and more fulfilling life. their gratitude and appreciation for the littlest things in life blows me away. a people with such warmth, sincerity and and incredibly open hearts. it's hard to tell that they've just stepped out of a tragedy - a people that once turned upon itself. and i wonder how does one make sense of a tragedy that cuts so deep? almost every person has lost a family member to the genocide. who do you believe? who can you trust? brother told on brother, sister told on sister. husbands on wives and wives on husbands. a nation struggling to stand on its two feet again, to attain self-sufficiency. but, it's a nation that needs God so, so much. so much striving - but there is rest in Jesus. to trust is to find rest.

i see Your Truth in their eyes

reflecting what the world cannot give

they're clouded by temporal reliefs

but there's just one thing: they need You

thieves and robbers may plunder and loot

but this faith in You is anchored

in Your solid Rock of Truth

that rust and moth cannot destroy and take away

these are your people

restore and heal this land

for Your mercies and glory to fall

they need Your touch

they need Your Truth

more than ever before

to be indelibly Yours

there's no greater love than Yours

there's no life

only in You

through You

Indelibly Yours/ min, jun 2009

tapestry

when i see the beauty of a sunset's glory

amazing artistry across the evening sky

when i feel the mystery of a distant galaxy

it awes and humbles me to be loved by a God so high

(:

"to love at all is to be vulnerable. love anything and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly broken. if you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to  no one, not even to an animal. wrap it careful round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket - safe, dark, motionless, airless - will change. it will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable... the only place outside Heaven where you can be perfectly safe from all the dangers... of love is Hell."

- C.S. Lewis/ The Four Leaves

Quiet Time

Alphabet and voice seem

inadequate speech for the soul.

how can mere word express

intent and regret,

heartbreak and hope,

prayer and praise?

i struggle to rest knowing that

You see my heart, Lord,

knowing all that i am and am not.

yet the unformed words sigh within.

then in Your Psalms i find You

speaking to me and for me,

laying bare my unfiltered heart

in Words of Living Truth,

and my soul has found its voice.

i found You in the Psalms 

and You found me.

- Everyday with Jesus/ Susan Lenzkes, 2008.

breathe in the summer goodness (:

it's all too easy to get caught up with feeling the bad vibes and neglect to acknowledge the good and happy ones that come our way. but you know what, life's too short to be moping and thinking about stuff that don't matter at the end of the day. being so old, the grand ol' of being 21 in a few good months, i surprise myself by holding on to the petty and most trivial things ever. but it's good - the honesty with myself and with the people whom i hold dear. even when it's stupid honesty or the let's-make-this-work kinda honesty. not hiding and being frank is healing. well, to heck with all the feeling bad and crappy and crummy. byebye crummy 'ol self. heeelllooooo awesome one! heh.

a series of unfortunate events

these couple of days have been nothing but a whole string of unfortunate incidents! i can't stress enough how frustrated and upset i am. and what makes it worse is that i blog more about unhappy stuff than happy stuff. the truth is that the happy stuff outweigh the bad stuff. but writing has a cathartic on me. and when the happy and awesome stuff takes place, i'll become too happy to sit down and write. boohoohoo. i just wanted to say that the days have been UGH lately. this post isn't so much a complaint, but i just needed an outlet.

there have been so many miscommunications lately - with friends, at higher levels of authority, and with another group of people. it's awful. so so so awful. horrid. the things that people say. the words. intentionally or unintentionally.

and it breaks my heart so much to know what it could all potentially lead to. sometimes i really feel like giving up. why am i always the friend to apologize first when it wasn't even my fault in the first place? why is it always me who has to suck it all up and clean up the mess that i didn't have a big hand in creating? it's absolutely painful. yet it's necessary. too much ego kills. is it worth it all to lay down that pride? and all these crummy things and days culminating with an injured foot, the soreness blitzes through my foot every time i take a step. so much frustrations that i cried while skyping with luanie.

pruning, again.

forgiveness. i need to forgive. healing will come then.

thanks luanie.. (:

The Bible says, "A man's wisdom gives him patience..." (Proverbs 19:11 NIV). The only way we can see all stuff as small stuff is to view it from God's perspective. When I am in tune with God, I remember he has everything under control even though I don't! So I don't have to sweat it: "The fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control" (Galatians 5:22-23 NIV).

Pray this prayer: "Lord, help me to be filled with your love, joy, and peace, so that when I'm squeezed and pressured it is your love, joy, and peace that spill out of me."

- Purpose Driven Connection 26 May 2009

"do not let any unwholesome talk come our of your mouths. but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen." - eph 4:29

blah.

throw the blankets over and hide under the covers. 

what next? 

where am i supposed to go from here? 

the woes of growing up. boohoo. not getting it, is it the lack of affirmation on His part? 

all the miscommunication

when will they stop?

this series of unfortunate events.

#500

just realized i have loads of posts saved as drafts. haha. will get down to sorting them out soon... and this is how i've spent my 5ooth post. ha. yay.

the next time you drive behind a lorry..

was fuming earlier today. on the way lunch with the folks, i drove behind a lorry that was carrying a load of gasoline cylinders. the sticker on the back of such trucks usually reads: "DANGER HIGHLY FLAMMABLE". but today, the "D" was missing.

it read: "ANGER HIGHLY FLAMMABLE".

ah. 

the Big Guy's watching over and out for me.

surprises and lessons.

ponder

*plops onto the bed*

hellooooo, i've back from a super duper long week! breakthru camp and then youth leaders' retreat and then mothers' day celebration. will update again!

i feel like a mindless sheep.

a little bit of light.

when God closes a door.

i didn't get into the program ): i'm feeling pretty bummed out. i wanted it so bad and was so hopeful that i might get it. i know this isn't the end. that it's all for the best. that God has a better plan. maybe He doesn't want me to be bonded to *** for a certain reason. it opens up more opportunities, really. maybe it's full time ministry, maybe it's something else. i don't know. it isn't so bad 'coz i know i can still teach in spite of this. i can still work with kids, with youths - which is what i really want to do.

God knows best. His ways are higher than mine, His wisdom all knowing. but i can't help feeling really upset.

He'll open another. a window at least.

):

i'll get over it. i'm good at that. getting over things. that's everything that happens. i just get over things. that's what i do. whatever life throws at me i just get over them. bitterness - i do feel a little bit of that. i don't want it to creep back into my life again. i've dealt with it before and i hate it. this is when i need to start reading my journal entries to remember how God has been so good to me and this is no reason for me to start being upset again. it shouldn't. we're myopic. i'm myopic to His plans. and i want to see past this. over and beyond. to see with new eyes.

(: joy unspeakable

so so so many thanksgivings! (:

all glory to God for the term papers and exams!
4 down, just 1 more to go
and amanda's finally coming to church on sunday!

thank You, Jesus (:


Joy unspeakable that wont go away,
And just enough strength to live for today,
So I never have to worry what tomorrow will bring
Coz my faith is on solid rock,
[big or small faith - it's still on Christ's solid rock!]
I am counting on God! (:

I am counting on, I am counting on God
I am counting on, I am counting on God
I am counting on, I am counting on God
I am counting on, I am counting on God

In the miracle of christ in me,
Is the mystery that sets me free,
Im nothing like i use to be,
Just open up your eyes,
You'll see In the miracle of christ in me,
Is the mystery that sets me free,
Im nothing like i use to be,
Just open up your eyes,
You'll see


i never should've doubted (:

day 11 out of 15

oh exams exams

when will thou disappear from thy life

5 days. 

sorely missing everyone. exams turns you into a hermit and a dependent.

Father, i'm counting on You so much. i know i can't do it without You. please help me to have greater faith in You when i fail to see, to have the quiet and steady confidence in You. when i tire, i know You're there to give me strength to keep going, to last til midnight and wake up again - to beautiful skies that have kept me company through the days. even when i feel discouraged and absolutely frustrated, i know You have never left me and will never leave me because You love me and Your grace is all sufficient - even when i don't deserve it. for this last lap and all those before - i want to do it for You. Lord, Your mercies never fail. please remind me when i forget, k? Daddy, You're so good to me (: help me to live that out (:

love,

min

doldrums

it's getting really hard to concentrate. ohmy. arghhhh. CONTINUE!!!!

because He knows

for those mugging for exams (:

"God remembers us wherever we are. Our concerns are His concerns. Our pain is His pain. Commit your challenges and difficulties to Him. He is the all-seeing God who remembers us as a mother remembers her children, and He waits to meet our needs" - C.P. Hia/ Our Daily Bread

"Peace I leave with you; My peace I give to you; not as the world gives do I give to you. Do not let your heart be troubled, nor let it be fearful." - john 14:27 

"If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him." - james 1:5

press on! (: you're good and almost there. 

easter

"Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends."

- John 15:13

it's a little hard to get what happened today out of my mind

a reply to tags!

- apologies for the late reply though -

Hey harong and sukiduck! (who're you? haha)

thanks so much for your tags, they offered me perspective of the other side of the coin. appreciate it man (: funny thing is that my friends who wanted to borrow all my notes told me they didn't need them anymore... so... hahaha, it's all good.

debs!

thanks so much for that affirmation and i totally agree with you that we should work hard for God and God alone (: indeed, i know how now to better deal with such incidents in the future (: 

leann & genia

yea, if leann doesnt stop snorting, she should be considered as grub-ish. ha