i'm skipping an 11hr school day today because of this silly viral fever. i hate that it makes me feel so crappy but nevertheless thankful for rest at home instead of walking in the thronging crowds all over campus, although lots of readings and assignments beckon. sigh. i'm feeling really flushed though. uck. how i wish for an air-conditioned room.
i don't know if the fever made me a bit more reflective but i was thinking about how much i need to understand and comprehend God's love for me. i've been finding it harder to love people and just, feeling really lousy about myself in general. it's a horrible feeling i felt like i haven't been loving enough, or i could have done more but didn't or i haven't spent enough time with my family etc. i just felt like i was working to earn God's love for me when all that's already said and done. he loves me, just as i am but i keep coming back to this quagmire. when and how will i ever understand this precious truth?
it was funny how i couldn't start up adium and that led me back to my old hotmail account to register for a new password and when i finally accessed my mailbox, the first thing i saw was the purpose driven connection daily devotions. sitting right at the top of the list were 4 devotions about God's love for us, for me. i was so bowled over. sigh. God, You are soo good.

[lest i forget]
He loves you on your good days; he loves you on your bad days.
His love is not conditioned by your response.
God is love and his love is given freely.
It cannot be earned and it is not undeserved.
- rick warren
there are no shortcuts to maturity and so i'll be patient and gentle with myself just as You are with me.