i havent felt so at peace, so happy and comforted in such a long time. my mind's clear; uncluttered. i can see what's ahead, i know what i'm working towards and i know, what's the right thing to do.

i just felt so incredibly ebulient this morning while walking to school. so happy to the point of worrying that this joy might be taken away from me. and i honestly felt that i was bouncing to school. hahaha. i was just so happy! beautiful mornings bring me hope of Your unfailing love. i felt ready to take on all the challenges of the world. i felt like i could go to school and just GRIN at everyone around me and add some colour to the grey skies that overshadows my already grey school.

people just look so sad in the mornings, i noticed. no one smiles. no one seems to bother about anyone else, for that matter. i went to school feeling like i wana stick out my hand and randomly talk to strangers and make new friends. i felt confident. i felt loved by my King. because He first loved me, i can go out there to love others unconditionally. i wana talk to those who seem lost or left out. i wana make that difference. i wana love others the way Jesus loves me. it's not the easiest thing to do, but i'm going to try. i will do it.

no matter how small my gifts are, no matter how insignificant i think i may be, i'm going to entrust all of them to Him. for His glory.

thank You Jesus. i love You oh so much. you're my peace, my love, my life. walking with you and walking close to you makes a huge difference. thank you for taking me back into your loving embrace (:



For Christ.

take me back

The Parable of the Lost Son

11Jesus continued: "There was a man who had two sons. 12The younger one said to his father, 'Father, give me my share of the estate.' So he divided his property between them.

13"Not long after that, the younger son got together all he had, set off for a distant country and there squandered his wealth in wild living. 14After he had spent everything, there was a severe famine in that whole country, and he began to be in need. 15So he went and hired himself out to a citizen of that country, who sent him to his fields to feed pigs. 16He longed to fill his stomach with the pods that the pigs were eating, but no one gave him anything.

17"When he came to his senses, he said, 'How many of my father's hired men have food to spare, and here I am starving to death! 18I will set out and go back to my father and say to him: Father, I have sinned against heaven and against you. 19I am no longer worthy to be called your son; make me like one of your hired men.' 20So he got up and went to his father. "But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and was filled with compassion for him; he ran to his son, threw his arms around him and kissed him.

21"The son said to him, 'Father, I have sinned against heaven and against you. I am no longer worthy to be called your son.[b]'

22"But the father said to his servants, 'Quick! Bring the best robe and put it on him. Put a ring on his finger and sandals on his feet. 23Bring the fattened calf and kill it. Let's have a feast and celebrate. 24For this son of mine was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found.' So they began to celebrate.

25"Meanwhile, the older son was in the field. When he came near the house, he heard music and dancing. 26So he called one of the servants and asked him what was going on. 27'Your brother has come,' he replied, 'and your father has killed the fattened calf because he has him back safe and sound.'

28"The older brother became angry and refused to go in. So his father went out and pleaded with him. 29But he answered his father, 'Look! All these years I've been slaving for you and never disobeyed your orders. Yet you never gave me even a young goat so I could celebrate with my friends. 30But when this son of yours who has squandered your property with prostitutes comes home, you kill the fattened calf for him!'

31" 'My son,' the father said, 'you are always with me, and everything I have is yours. 32But we had to celebrate and be glad, because this brother of yours was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found.' "

Lord, i'm sorry for turning my back on You. i'm sorry i never listened out to You. i'm sorry that You had to keep calling. i'm sorry for depending on myself. i'm sorry for everything i've done. bring me back to the heart of worship. bring me back into Your embrace. i'm sorry and i know what i've done wrong. Father, please help me. i'm nothing without You.

"Take my five loaves and two fishes

Do with it as you willI surrender

Take my fears and inhibitions

All my burdens, my ambitions

You can use it all

to feed them all"

I often think about that boy

when I'm feeling small

and I worry that the work I do

means nothing at all

But every single tear I cry

is a diamond in His hands

and every door that slams in my face

I will offer up in prayer

So I'll give you every breadth that I have

Oh Lord, you can work miracles

All that you need is my "Amen"

thank You.

affection & attention.
not for me. but for You God.
keep me sane in these crazy times.
leaning on Your understanding and not my own.

let me find my joy in You
that i may delight in Your Word & truth
help me find rest and solace in Your embrace
and not the temporary anasthesia of this plastic world

it's week 3. and i feel like i'm dying.
i. must. persevere.

i deleted the previous emo post. it was pointless and dumb.

beautiful mornings bring me promises and hope of your unfailing love

for the world to fade into oblivion,
for colours to dance upon the clouds in the boundlessness of sky.
atop the hill so high,
to hold only you in my embrace.

days come, days go.
time spent with you is comparable to that of the gardenia's story,
no less fragrant, yet oh so short.
tell me now - what should i do?

thinking, pondering, wondering, mulling.
waiting, contemplating, confounding.
exasperated.

has it changed?
my bona fide thoughts.
even i do not know.



it'll be an even longer time

on growing up


i think i do stupid things - all the time.

when i go to bed at night, i have the tendency to reflect on how the day has gone by and many a times, i cringe 'coz i recall doing incredibly; unbelieveably dumb stuff or say things out of plain idiocity. i wonder how the people around me tahan it. yes, i do realize that i'm verbally abusing myself. but i mean.. it's true right?

i think it's high time i stopped behaving like an empty vessel - making loud noises. it's time i stopped, listened intently and speak only when warranted. but then it's so not me.. i need to find a balance between being EXTREMELY crazy and EXTREMELY serious.

those who know me well enough.. know that i have these 2 extremes. that's how i freak the younger ones out at church. sometimes minyi is so crazy and can go high with them doing all sorts of silly things. but sometimes, that craziness gives way to absolute seriousness that i don't even smile and say almost nothing at all.

it's all about the balance.

now that i'm older, first year in uni. i should grow up and assume mature responsibilities. as an older sister and youth in church, i'm expected to set a good example and not be a stumbling block. i can say for sure that there're many things that i can't do anymore. i have to watch what i say, what i do, how i react and how i speak. it's not easy but i'm going to try.

let my walk speak loud
let my words be true
let my life be whole
and my eyes on You

and suddenly.. i realize that i'm growing up - fast. i still can't believe that i've started uni. i still feel like i'm a kid sometimes.

it was just yesterday that i was standing with the choir in the esplanade concert hall
it was just yesterday, i sat in that frigid exam hall taking my A levels.
it was just yesterday that i was singing at Fusion.
it was just yesterday that i was in Cambodia.
it was just yesterday that i did so many other things.
it was just yesterday that i feel like i should never grow up so that i can enjoy the childlike innocence of life.

but that being said.. it shows that i've grown up in some ways, doesnt it?

how i love walking to the 185 bustop behind jumbo coffee shop after every netball practice. that pathway from the fairfield bustop leading up to heritage view to dover park view condo.. it's one of my favourite places in the world.

i slowed my walk
i plugged in my player

.. I come on my knees
To lay down before you
Bringing all that I am
Longing only to know you
Seeking your face
And not only your hand
I find you embracing me
Just as I am

And I lift these songs
To you and you alone
As I sing to you
In my praises make your home

To my audience of one
You are Father, and you are Son
As your spirit flows free,
Let it find within me
A heart that beats to praise you.
And now just to know you more
Has become my great reward
To see your kingdom come
And your will be done
I only desire to be yours, Lord


the sun rays come pouring down
lighting the pathway with a golden yellow tint
it's warmth succoring my back
i feel that deep sense of solace and peace

a gentle breeze to rid my troubled mind
a gentle breeze to sooth my soul

i just love to walk there.
one finds beauty even in the midst of this concrete jungle.

walking through the quiet streets
with a soft gentle breeze tousling my hair
a well needed relief from the heat

i thought of Your love & grace
so abundant no words can explain

as i sit here musing..
oh God, i thank you so much for
a brand new laptop
a brand new school
brand new friends & the good'ol ones
a brand new hope for the future

never thought i would end up here one day.
never thought my heart could feel the way it does
never thought i could have such joy and gratefulness that overwhelms me
never thought i deserved this
never thought it could be done
never thought i could have such great friends and family

i never deserved this - not at all.

but God.. You gave them all to me.
thank You.
these 2 words that i've said so many times..
sometimes i'm so afraid that it'll lose its meaning
we all use it a tad bit too much

but God.. i do thank You.. from the bottom of my heart. for all the blessings you've poured out to me (: i have so much... so so so much.. help me cherish everything i have (: