coz christmas songs make me happy (:

here's my favourite version of white christmas by bing crosby!

nightmare

cringe.

i've been cringing all day because i keep thinking about all the embarrassing things that i've done in the past. i can't get rid of them.

cringe. cringe. cringe.

and i made another mistake today.

cringe.

why do i always say stupid things that put me in awkward situations. why am i always so downcast? i am so sick of it. am i hard on myself? i don't know, you tell me. are you judging me? i'm judging myself.

have i been selfish? thinking a lot more about myself then others? yes, i have. but i cannot help it.

i cannot sleep. so many flashbacks of stupidity.

i cannot sleep. fear is keeping me awake.

i cannot sleep. i feel like i'm going to screw up again.

the essays. the assessments. the interview.

no time. no time.

i want to escape.

i want to leave.

i just want out. 

but i know i cannot and i shouldnt.

because that would be irresponsible

the damage would be irreconcilable

cringe.

ARGH.

but tmr will better. it will be.

night sky

Plug in Your Emotional Battery

by Rick Warren

"Then, because so many people were coming and going that they did not even have a chance to eat, he said to them, 'Come with me by yourselves to a quiet place and get some rest'" (Mark 6:31 NIV).

Are you overwhelmed? Do you feel inadequate? Are you ready to blow at any moment? You can't love others in a godly way when you're at the end of your emotional rope. How many relationships have been ripped apart because the people involved failed to take care of themselves emotionally?

***

God's Word gives us three habits that can help us recharge emotionally when we have nothing left to give.

1. Solitude. Mark 6:31 says, "So many people were coming and going...[Jesus] said to them [the disciples], 'Come with me by yourselves to a quiet place and get some rest'" (NIV). Jesus understood that your emotions are like a battery. If you plug one lightbulb into a battery, it will last for a fairly long time. If you plug in 100 lights, the battery will drain very quickly. Many of you have so many lights plugged in, your battery is shot. You can't recharge anybody else—you can't give love—if your own battery is drained. You recharge when you get away by yourself.

2. Play. The Bible says, "Jesus came enjoying life" (Matthew 11:19 PH). He was the most people-focused, ministry-intensive person who ever lived, yet he took the time to have fun. Certain activities recharge you emotionally; they literally re-create your energy and enthusiasm for life. We all have different activities that recharge us because we're all made differently. Find out what recharges you emotionally and make time for it.

3. Laughter. Proverbs 17:22 says, "Being cheerful keeps you healthy" (GNT). Studies prove that when you laugh, it increases your number of T-cells, which raises your immunity level. Laughter is good for your health. Humor is God's gift to us. Remember, God has a sense of humor—he made you! (i burst out laughing at this line... am i pretty ugly or ugly pretty? lol.)

To be emotionally balanced, take God very seriously but don't take yourself seriously. Learn to laugh at your limitations. There is plenty of material. If you only laugh and enjoy life when your problems are all solved, you'll never enjoy life.

taken from:

purpose driven connection

so so so so timely! it's the crazy season for all in uni - rushing assignments and projects, all the staying up to finish work as soon as possible, somewhat depriving ourselves of play... cutting back on time spent outside unless absolutely necessary.  it's so easy to get caught up with work and end up being so serious and not have any fun. oh the chionging... there needs to be time set aside for some fun and chillax-ing, if not we'd all drop like flieesss. aye?

solitude

play

laughter

(: aye

 

i just keep doing stupid things. why.

my body clock is so out of whack.

yu.

ahhhhh... absolutely in love with their dresses! (:

click here to check out their website!

youuuu (:

hello hello!

i've noticed an increase in traffic flow on my blog for some time now and i'd like to put a face and a name to who you are (: pray tag on the tagboard on the right, or comment if you like! 

thanks so much! it's definitely nice to know who my readers are (: and not just a faceless body.. haha.

journey.

it was pleasant walking home from school today. the bus was taking forever and it was a beautiful evening, so i thought why not take a stroll and destress a bit? i wasn't expecting much from the short walk but God is full of surprises, yea? (: the sights were beeeeeaaaaaautiful! there was a soft breeze that accompanied me throughout and as i walked on, i felt this assuring sense of comfort. to think i was only looking at the sky and trees (!) haha. but that's how it all works, isn't it? we are a part of nature, we are part of God's work, His splendour... that we feel a natural connection to well, nature (:

"from dust we came, to dust we shall return"

and there it was.. God's way of saying:

"I love you, Minyi."

then i saw that this tree had all its flowers on the ground. it was a really beautiful sight.. though i know the pictures don't do any justice. at all. but please make do.. haha. i mean it was taken by a 2 megapixel phone that is maybe a little old.. *hinthint* heh.

it reminded me again, of the parable about God the Gardener - that He removes the parts of the branches that are bad, that no longer bear fruit, just so that the tree will be able to grow better, stronger than before. nevertheless, the process of being pruned is always painful. who likes to have a part of themselves cut off, right? here, the fallen/falling flowers are part of nature's pruning process. it really does seem to me that the tree is losing its beauty in that sense. like you know, if one's hair is his/ her crowning glory, flowers are it for trees. (haha..) but whilst losing that beauty, i still found it beautiful. kinda alludes to how beauty is present in struggles. just some musings, really. somehow, the loss of flowers promises a greener (pun! heh.) future, signalling a change in season, a new beginning, a time to bear fruit.

and i came home to this moment of the sun setting. it doesn't look all that glorious but i still think it's beautiful.. doesn't it strike you that the sun rises and sets the same everyday, yet there never is a morning or evening that they look the same? everyday's sunrise and sunset is intrinsically different and it really does speak volumes of how creative He is (:

Psalm 8

For the director of music. According to gittith. A psalm of David.

1 LORD, our Lord,
how majestic is your name in all the earth!
You have set your glory
above the heavens...

... 3 When I consider your heavens,
the work of your fingers,
the moon and the stars,
which you have set in place,

4 what are mere mortals that you are mindful of them,
human beings that you care for them?

5 You have made them a little lower than the heavenly beings
and crowned them with glory and honor.

6 You made them rulers over the works of your hands;
you put everything under their feet:

7 all flocks and herds,
and the animals of the wild,
8 the birds in the sky,
and the fish in the sea,
all that swim the paths of the seas.

9 LORD, our Lord,
how majestic is your name in all the earth!

nevermind that i saw 2 roadkills on the way home. ha. it was still a nice stroll marveling at His creation! (: of Him gently telling me that He's always there, with His arms outstretched.

journey.
(:

beckon me to the quiet moment with You

it's been a dry season.

i've been sitting here in the freezing computer lab trying to type my essay for the last 2 hours but alas, nothing came forth and it will probably continue to be that way until i've taken a good nap, that i pray will hopefully refresh the brain and eyes. but that will have to wait till i get home... argh. the lack of thoughts and therefore word count, frustrates me.

678 out of 2500 words.

*groans*

it will be awhile before i get there.

assignment season means that weekends remain the same as weekdays. it's work, work, work. i really shouldn't have taken 6 modules this semester. *facepalm*

perhaps, this lack (be it word or agency) reflects the way everything is in life right now. it's been getting harder to crawl out of bed these days. i believe i hit the snooze button at least 5 times each morning before i finally drag my butt out of bed. a complete lack of motivation coupled with a great sense of fear for school. the things i do, the things i sacrifice. is it worth it all in the end?

how do you love when you feel so hard inside? i've made too many mistakes, so much folly. it ought to stop. right now. rotten.

Father Father... i feel so despondent, i could cry right now. i feel hopelessly afraid of not doing well in school. for the 4 papers, 1 midterm, for the choral assessment.. will i get the scholarship that i've pinned so much hope on? for sacrificing my time for things which other people deem stupid for doing so. but God will they ever understand? will i ever see Your big picture? that these things that i do are of eternal value. why have i become so worldly-centred and not kingdom centred? why have i placed hopes in things that are temporal, that dust and moth can destroy? why have i not kept my eyes on Your promises that God, You will provide and that nothing is impossible. why have i given in to hopelessness? when i know that it's the devil's weapon? i've lost my joy. i've allowed my joy and trust in You be robbed, so stealthily and so unknowingly until now. i've allowed myself to feel so torn between the standards of this world and the standards of Yours.

how can i ever say enough that God hears... (: how can i ever say enough that He's here? as i was writing this, "it's alright" and "all day long" and "cling tight" came on ..

All Day Long

all day long
You stretched Your arms out to me
saying here I am
all day long 
i searched for what the world couldn't give
You said here I am here I am

when my eyes stay on Your beautiful face
all the things all the world quickly fade away
it is here You take my sin see it caught
it is healed by Your consuming love

now we stay all the day in each others' arms
holding tight singing You
i abide and You in me

now i stay all the day in You, my heart's desire in You
i abided in You and You in me
what grace in You and i abide and You in me
what patient faithful love in You
and i abide in You and You in me

You were jealous for my heart
given to other loves
aching for the suffering they gave me
pleading for my heart's response your knowing love
that remains all the day earnestly knocking

It's Alright

it's alright

He's by my side
and He'll take good care of me
it's alright
He's on my side
and He knows
my every need

He said
O you of little faith
see the sparrows in the sky
unencumbered by the cares of the world
I feed even them
clothe the lilies in the field
how much more to Me are you worth then these?

He said when you're at your lowest of lows
I want you to knowI think more of you
then what you could yourself
My love is deeper than the oceans
wider then the valleys
higher than the mountain tops
I gave my Son for you

i said
You formed then fought for my heart
O Father how great thou art
i know all that You are seems too good but it's true

Cling Tight

He spoke of freedom

and He spoke of healing

He opened o me the blessings of His victory

He said call on my name I hear you

call on my name I care for you

come to me you're burdened and weary

I'll give you rest

cling tight

dear heart

to Your God

if you lose all of your might

dear heart

your King holds on to you

He gives me freedom

and He gives me healing

and He will complete the good work He began in me

when my soul calls for help from a desert

You find me and carry me through it

saying breathe, just breathe

I've got you

oh sovereign lord

my strong deliever

who trains my hands for the day of battle

You rescue me from my strong enemy

You take me by the right hand and say do not fear 

i will help you

take courage and cling

everything's going to be okay.. (:

come, baby.

i would understand 

if You were angry

it would make more sense

if You turned away from me

yet, You took me by my hands

looked into my eyes

asking lovingly

please, be forever mine

come baby come baby come 

come over to me

come baby come baby come here

i want to make you free

let Me take your rags

clothe you whiter than snow

Lead you in the way of life you long to know

Come Baby/ Melissa Otto

will you persist to see the gold in me, beyond the ugliness of my weakness and struggles?

because i saw this on lily's blog and thought it'd be fun to do! (: and i must say it's at least 80% accurate. then again, such tests provide generic/ general answers which are applicable to almost everybody. but i guess all of us at some level, would want to know more about ourselves and how others perceive us. so who cares if it's generic? heh.

click here to do the test!

Your view on yourself:
You are intelligent, honest and sweet. [wahh.. ego inflated x 10000] You are friendly to everybody and don't like conflict. [yes, i hate conflict] Because you're so cheerful and fun people are naturally attracted to you and like to talk to you.

The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:
You like serious, smart and determined people. You don't judge a book by its cover, so good-looking people aren't necessarily your style. This makes you an attractive person in many people's eyes.

[i like humourous people too! like those who tell jokes. hurhur. and everyone grows old and saggy one day. it goes full circle, man.]

Your readiness to commit to a relationship:
You prefer to get to know a person very well before deciding whether you will commit to the relationship.

[true]

The seriousness of your love:
You are very serious about relationships and aren't interested in wasting time with people you don't really like. If you meet the right person, you will fall deeply and beautifully in love.

[i'd like to know when that is. haha]

Your views on education:
Education is less important than the real world out there, away from the classroom. Deep inside you want to start working, earning money and living on your own.

[mmmm...]

The right job for you:
You're a practical person and will choose a secure job with a steady income. Knowing what you like to do is important. Find a regular job doing just that and you'll be set for life.

[yup]

How do you view success:
You are afraid of failure and scared to have a go at the career you would like to have in case you don't succeed. Don't give up when you haven't yet even started! Be courageous.

[latter part is true]

What are you most afraid of:
You are concerned about your image and the way others see you. This means that you try very hard to be accepted by other people. It's time for you to believe in who you are, not what you wear.

[it's interesting to note that this somehow resonates with my previous post on beauty...]

Who is your true self:
You are mature, reasonable, honest and give good advice. People ask for your comments on all sorts of different issues. Sometimes you might find yourself in a dilemma when trapped with a problem, which your heart rather than your head needs to solve.

i figured that i need a holiday sometime. but if anyone deserves a holiday, it's my mum. 

unfading beauty

"Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes. Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight."

1 peter 3:3-4

buried

how i wish, that it is the summer hols already. there is so much to do this semester! i checked out my organizer and realized to my horror that all the important things i've to do takes place this month.

week 9:

finish reading: Malina, Beloved, Othello, Cherry Orchard

paper(s) due: contemporary women's writing essay

prac for and lead worship for youth

week 10:

finish reading: Malina, Beloved, Macbeth, Dutchman

paper(s) due: shakespeare

vox for Leslie & Ben's worship team

week 11:

finish reading: China men, rosencratz & guildernstern are dead, the piano teacher, coriolanus

paper(s) due: ethnic american 

prac for and lead worship for crusade

prepare for worship retreat

week 12:

finish reading: china men, the dumb waiter, the piano teacher, the winter's tale

paper(s) due: drama paper

Midterm: Astronomy

choral test

week 13:

finish reading: beloved, painting churches, the tempest, sherman alexie's short stories

choral performance

then 2 more weeks to exams.

i'mjust scaring myself.

cars and what they come with

yesterday morning, i unlocked the car with a different key and the alarm sounded and i just couldn't turn it off. just kept jamming the buttons on the remote and it miraculously stopped. bad experience.

had a near accident in the car park in the later part of the morning and was really, really quite angry at the guy who almost hit my car. argh. just thinking about it is pissing me off. bad experience.

today, i parked the car at school, absentmindedly pressed "lock" on the remote before shutting the door. (what was i thinking, right?) in that instant, i knew i was doomed. the alarm sounded. 

it was a carpark that was surrounded by tutorial rooms and 2 libraries. oh yippee doo. i tried everything i could to shut off the alarm, even the button next to the accelerator and nothing worked! 

thankfully, there was this guy who came over to help, who by the way, was laughing at me the whole time. turns out that it was the other door that wasn't closed properly. ahh. bad experience.

oh well. three lessons learned. 

panic at the car park.