reminiscent

-sigh-

i miss gigging and leading worship so much.

what can i do?

what can i give?

to offer this heart oh God

completely to You.

it's a little heavy now
it's a little dark out there
holding and protecting this heart

with malleable shields

from strangers close and closer still

i can't do it as well as You, Jesus.

take my heart again.

i just want You.

treading on this black sheet of ice

will you listen and not hear?

you're a little distant

let your guard down

let us in

we'll fight for you

we won't let go easy, no

love and truth

let those words be life evermore

woohoo!

happy kite-flying, fruit basket & fireworks-watching day

with Youthphoria @ marina barrage (:

<3

nothing beats having some good 'ol summer fun (:

lantern loves ♥

hit by a truck

In the autumn on the ground,

between the traffic and the traffic and the ordinary sounds
I am thinking signs and seasons while a north wind blows through

and like I can't force the sun to rise or hasten summer's start,

neither should i rush my way

July 6, 2009 Don't Fear Deeper Friendships by Rick Warren

"For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love, and of self-discipline" (2 Timothy 1:7 NIV).

When we're full of fear and anxiety, we don't get close to each other. We back off from each other. We're afraid of being rejected, manipulated, vulnerable, hurt, or used. All of these fears cause us to disconnect in life.

This fear is as old as humanity. When Adam and Eve sinned, and God came looking for them, Adam said, "I was afraid . . . so I hid" (Genesis 3:10 NIV). People have been doing that ever since. We're afraid, so we hide. We hide our true selves.

We don't let people know what we're really like. We don't let them see the inside of us. Why? Because if we let people know what we're like and they don't like it, we're up a creek without a paddle. Tough luck. Why am I afraid to tell you who I am? Because if I tell you who I am, and you don't like me, I'm in for it. I have no alternative. So we wear masks and we pretend.

Fear does three terrible things to relationships:

1. Fear makes us defensive. We're afraid to reveal ourselves. We defend ourselves. When people point out our weaknesses, we retaliate and defend ourselves.

2. Fear keeps us distant. We don't let people get close to us. We want to withdraw, pull back. We want to hide our emotions. We don't want to be open and honest. We become defensive and distant.

3. Fear makes us demanding. Whenever we're insecure, and the more insecure we are, the more we try to control. So we try to have the last word in a relationship. We try to dominate, control. It's always a symptom of fear and insecurity.

Where do you get the confidence, the courage, to take the first step in connecting with someone, to go into a deeper intimacy? Where do you get that courage?

You get it from God's Spirit in your life. Paul tells us in 2 Timothy 1:7, "For the Holy Spirit, God's gift, does not want you to be afraid of people but to be wise and strong (courageous), and to love them and enjoy being with them" (LB).

How do you know when you're filled with God's Spirit? You're more courageous in your relationships. You love people. You enjoy being with them. You're not afraid of them because God's Spirit is in your life. The Bible says "God is love," and "Love casts out all fear." The more of God you have in your life, the less of fear you're going to have in your life.

So the starting point in connecting with anybody is to pause, pray, and say, "God, give me the courage to take the first step." You need to do that now with a person you want to connect with.

beautiful

I was so unique

Now I feel skin deep
I count on the make-up to cover it all
Crying myself to sleep cause I cannot keep their attention
I thought I could be strong
But it's killing me

Does someone hear my cry?
I'm dying for new life

I want to be beautiful
Make you stand in awe
Look inside my heart,
and be amazed
I want to hear you say
Who I am is quite enough
Just want to be worthy of love
And beautiful

Sometimes I wish I was someone other than me
Fighting to make the mirror happy
Trying to find whatever is missing
Won't you help me back to glory

I want to be beautiful
Make you stand in awe
Look inside my heart,
and be amazed
I want to hear you say
Who I am is quite enough
Just want to be worthy of love
And beautiful

You make me beautiful
You make me stand in awe
You step inside my heart, and I am amazed
I love to hear You say
Who I am is quite enough
You make me worthy of love and beautiful

"beautiful" / bethany dillon

***

i got all teary-eyed the first time i heard this song. it resounded so much with me. and i think it does too for many other girls out there, guys even. that boy/girl we see in the mirror... whom we sometimes dislike. we're all fighting to make the mirror happy. there were so many moments that i've walked away from it feeling unlovely, ugly even and wished that i looked different or like someone else, and totally rock like a rockstar if i were her for a day. hahaha. but when's that ever going to happen, yo? haha. zilch.

i felt a little bit of that tonight. it's funny how this line kept surfacing in my head while i was journaling: "seeking affirmation from mr. mirror each morning..." and immediately, i thought of bethany dillon's "beautiful" and it hit home. sometimes we forget how precious we - me, you, everybody - are to God who loves us just a father loves his child - lovingly, dotingly and affectionately. we're all beautiful to Him and He delights in us, regardless of our imperfections.

Father, our beauty comes from You and knowing who You are, that You've made us precious and treasured, beautiful and spirited. beauty that comes from a gentle spirit that is of unfading worth in Your sight, that no braids nor jewels can replace.

i am beautiful because You are.

if it could only be easier to love so much more with the Truth than with our own eyes. to love because we were first loved, to love because God, You made us like You, and not to love with just our eyes, but through Your eyes.

I love to hear You say
Who I am is quite enough
You make me worthy of love and beautiful