the past two days have been rather productive (: and i like productive days, especially during the holidays! means that i'm not slacking and wasting my life away.
i've finally done up mum's corner in her room and i hope she's happy with it. added a cactus and a wooden stool in it... not very conventional things one would use to add more oomph to a certain area, but erm, no complaints so far! (: and i got down to filing all my worksheets and notes from last semester coz my shelves were in complete disarray, remnants from the not-so-recent exams. i reshelved my shelves too... yay. feeling very satisfied with meself. and i did some craft too.. haha
i caught Jesus Camp yesterday afternoon. very interesting film where religion and politics converged. it is a rather disturbing film to watch though, even as a Christian. oh well, more on the film next time. i've got to gather my thoughts on this one and not spout anything that may get me into trouble. cyberspace has cyber law. though i felt that the Ted Haggard guy was a real piece of irony. if you watch the film, you'll see him preaching at the pulpit (he's a pastor at one of the mega churches in the USA), against homosexuality. by an ironic twist of fate, he was found to be a homosexual(!) some time after the release of the film. sigh. many people felt that he didn't deserve sympathy, but i think he does. people judge too quickly, too fast sometimes. sure, he's made a mistake, but his plight was made worse because of his previous status. as the Bible says, let he who has not sinned cast the first stone. we all make mistakes and no sin is greater than the other... well this debate can go on for a long time. guess this alludes to the bigger picture of a more gracious society. think that will go a long way. but i don't equate that to having no punishment though. i strongly believe that graciousness and compassion should coexist with justice and truth. there's got to be some balance right...
anyway, today was great too (: met up with Jaime and we had a good and long talk over some good'ol old-fashioned breakfast at Ya Kun's. it was good catching up, whilst it lasted. thanks Jaim for the gorgeous gift from stralia! it was really thoughtful of you (: *hugs* luan! if you're reading this, we talked about you. hehehehehe :p
then in the evening, i headed over to the lams' to practice for sunday's gig. am really really really uber excited and all pumped up for it! yippers! anyhow, prac was really fruitful, tweaked a couple of songs here and there and made it our own. the process was real fun (: and debbie! your knee will heal soon (: in time for your trip! so fret noooootttttttttt!
**
think, in spite of all the activities that fill my days, i've neglected reflecting. which isn't good. when i read through older blog posts, i can feel the hollowness in some of them even though they may be packed to the max with words and recounts. like maybe this one. means only one thing:
TIME TO REFLECT!
Thursday, May 29, 2008
Wednesday, May 28, 2008
so i took a test on bored.com
Personality Type Report
Your Personality Preferences
EXTROVERT
You are social and outgoing. You are most comfortable when with other people and experiencing the world first hand. Interaction with others and first hand experiences energize you. It is not unlike you to start conversations with strangers. You have a preference for the outer world: people, activities, and things. Other people provide you with a mirror, sounding board to help you develop ideas and plans. Being alone may sap your energies. Your concept of the world is derived from experiencing it firsthand and then drawing conclusions.
SENSORY
You usually gather information with your senses: what you can see, hear, taste, touch and smell in the physical world. The facts gathered from the sensory data you process are the building blocks of your model of our world. You concentrate your energies on what actually exists and do not ponder what might exist too much. You are usually practical and rely on your common sense to guide you through the world. You see things as they are and have little or no need to search for underlying meanings.
JUDGING
You like decisions to be made as soon as possible. You are not comfortable with loose ends and like to see conflicts resolved as soon as possible. You have a preference for a well-structured, orderly lifestyle with few surprises. It may not be all that important who makes the decisions that gets things done as long things do get done. You take commitments very seriously. While you are not inflexible, you do like to stick to a plan once it is set into motion.
FEELING
You make decisions subjectively based upon your values and what is important to you. How people will be affected by your decisions is important to you. You are likely to make decisions based upon what you feel is acceptable and agreeable rather than what is logical. Your truths are founded in your values and those of the society you live in. It is important to remember that we are discussing how you evaluate data and make decisions, and that you rely on your feelings to do so in no way implies you are overly emotional.
Your Personality Type:
Extrovert/Sensing/Feeling/Judging
You approach life with enthusiasm, and are very social and charming. You are compassionate, agreeable and cooperative. You like to be helpful-- an asset and want to be needed. You can be relied on to see things through. You're trustworthy and loyal. You do not like conflict. Harmony is definitely your ally. You do not like to be alone for too long, if at all.
In relationships you are compassionate and considerate. You can be very talkative at times, and will strike up a conversation with almost anyone. You try to see the best in people. You are not one to take a stand that will offend others. You like attention and need validation of your value from others. Social status is important to you. You can be counted on to keep family and social traditions alive and well. .
Famous People of Your Type:
William McKinley, William J. Clinton, Jack Benny, Desi Arnaz, Don Knotts, Terry Bradshaw, Sally Struthers, Mary Tyler Moore, Steve Spurrier, Sally Field, Danny Glover, Nancy Kerrigan, Elvis Stojko. Occupations Suited to Your Type Include:
Athlete, bookkeeper, caterer, coach, counselor, flight attendant, stylist, interior decorator, nurse, secretary, teacher, and telemarketer.
!!! my ambition's listed!! yay! so, i can be a teacher or counsellor!!!
but is that a validation for the secret fashionista? since i could be a stylist too........
Sunday, May 25, 2008
ahem. i overdid the photos.
so this is how i look like if i'm a man. check out the moustache!
i heart mac!
Friday, May 23, 2008
postlude to tech
went down to acecom today again, to pick up my hard drive's tray. the sales person told me that i'm really lucky that my hard drive was still with them coz his guy normally comes to the shop at 4plus every day to pick up the discarded hard drives to send them back to seagate for rma. (i went to acecom to get the new hard drive at 2plus yesterday). but by some inexplicable twist of fate, the sales person decided not to turn mine over to him! i was going "ah! divine intervention! divine intervention!" in my head. haha.. oh wow, how cool is that... if this is not God's hand working, i dont know what is. if my old hard drive, along with its case was shipped off, i'll have to go through the tedious procedure of asking the apple guys for a quotation for a new tray and to wait for it to arrive etc etc. it was such a close, close shave... but God gave just enough shaving cream to prevent the cuts (:
*ps: youtube is the best website. ever. i always thought it had great entertainment value, but does not contribute much to making the world a better place. but i am now a convert. i take back all the bad stuff that i have ever said about youtube before. it had a how-to-install-your-hard-drive tutorial! and dozens of other superbly clear and concise tutorials for IT nooooooobs like meself! i am so grateful. i think it might even be more helpful then the apple website.. hohoho... but yes people, youtube is truly useful, not just for its entertainment value. but it makes the world a better place by alleviating the pains of grouchy people who are trying to fix their computers.
on hindsight, i think i've really benefitted from the whole experience. given that i was at first very upset with having to deal with so much technical rigour and having to travel from pulau boon lay to town for 3 days in a row and for living without my laptop for quite awhile, living off my sisters' shared pc.. i feel so bad for taking up their computer time sometimes but thanks jan and yan for allowing me to use it (: my siblings truly deserve an award for being most understanding! (: i'm sorry for the times when i told God to zap you guys..
nonetheless, it has been most interesting, manually assembling a part of my laptop, re-learning & re-grounding my basics in IT... i've learnt to install hard drives! with watson's and my brother's help (: i've learnt new stuff like seagate/rma/torx t8 screwdrivers. these terms were once greek to me... but they aren't anymore! i hope i'll be able to help others in future, at least for those who may experience the same problems i did. sometimes it really does take losing something before realizing its value.
i'm just glad that i'm typing all these from my macbook.
Thursday, May 22, 2008
love-hate with technology
today wasn't such a great day. it's all because of my macbook. remember the time when my macbk died on me? turns out that its hard drive's corrupted (i found out after an hour's worth of apple care's phone service; i was chatting with a technician in india! i thought that was pretty cool though. he said: "oh, it's 12pm in singapore, have you had your lunch?". and i said:" not yet. it's still early. what about you? had yours?". technician:" it's 5am here in India, i just had my breakfast". he was greeted by silence coz i was in shock. i didnt know he was talking to me from another continent(!) i wanted to say this but decided against it:" how's the mutton curry?") and so anyway, i sent it in to the apple service centre, hoping that they will replace it for me. alas, that could not be done because my hard drive's considered a 3rd party drive. you must be going huh? well, it all starts to go downhill from here.
my dad purchased my macbook for me because he didn't feel completely reassured if were to buy it myself. he bought it without me knowing either. hence, i wasn't there when the technician modified my macbook too, yes modified. i was mortified, when my dad told me. apparently, the technician cajoled him into upgrading my hard drive, so that means that i have no original hard drive. plus point was that the technician installed everything i needed and even windows vista. so technically, i had 2 OS(s) operating within my laptop. i liked that. i thought it was really convenient for me. everything was dandy and fine till the day it died.
came home one day to an unresponsive macbook. i panicked coz my unprinted 2000 words essay was still sitting like a dead duck in the laptop. we went back to bell electronics (that was where my dad purchased my macbook) to try and get it fixed, but the salesperson turned us away saying that they didnt sell macbooks. my dad and i were sooo upset at the guy! i mean that's no logical rationale behind that. but we were at the losing end because we somehow misplaced the receipt. i know, terrible right? nevermind that, we went on to a macshop and devised means to try and retrieve the data, to no avail. i was really, really crushed. we brought the dead thing home, removed the hard drive from its slot and tried manual retrieval, which inevitably failed too. i retyped all 2000 words of it. never knew i possessed such willpower. i sat from 5pm to 3am in the same chair and finished it. it was mad. pure madness.
so on to what happened next. i called the apple hotline and then came to the final conclusion of bringing it to the apple service centre and you know the rest. so then since my hitachi hard drive is still under 36 months (26 months left) worth of warranty from acecom, i decided to bring my hard drive in to the shop to get it replaced. guess what, it got replaced! immediately! (: yay double yay!
prior to that, the sales person from acecom told me that i had to remove the hard drive myself but i didnt know how to. i brought it to this other shop that sold macs, and they wanted to charge me $40(!!!) for it. ripoff. just had a feeling that things weren't right... so i left without patronizing their very costly service.. walked into another store and got it removed, for free! i told watson about what happened and he said: "you could've gotten 10 screwdrivers for that price and you only required removing 3 screws!" oh wow... i almost got cheated today. but i should really count my blessings.
when i first called acecom to ask about hard drive replacement, they said it would take 2-3 weeks for the replacement to come in, but i'm really thankful that i got a brand new one on the spot. i was so happy! initially, i was worried about visiting acecom coz i did not send my warranty card in. i was just telling God to please, please, please let the acecom guys not ask about that and in exchange for that, i'll take really really good care of my macbook and to not be so rough with it. and God was so good, they didn't ask about it and gave me a new hard drive without hesistation. thank God.. really thank God (: so you see, i should count my blessings, shouldn't i?
i thought it was all over. new hard drive, just got to install my stuff. but that was not to be, i left my hard drive tray with the old unit! i have to call acecom tmr and pray really hard that they have not sent it away to seagate to be rma-ed. but chances are, it's not yet shipped off. so fingers and toes crossed.
but i'm really thankful to Watson to have talked me through over msn about installing my hard drive and all, asking him many other mac questions where he very patiently and graciously explained them all to me. i haven't spoken to him in quite a bit and he was really very nice to have helped me so much! so thanks watson! (: and for my brother who has always gone the extra mile to help me with IT stuff (i'm nooooooob). yet again, patient and rather long-suffering because i'll always be in a very bad mood whenever technology fails me. he's been so nice to help me even though he doesnt know how exactly apple system works. he will go online and google help tips to assist me. when my macbk first dies, he stayed up with me till 3am in the morn to troubleshoot. i really appreciate my brother a lot. thanks kor! (: you asked how i'm going to repay you right? that was a short tribute to you (macham you died... muahaha.. kidding!) but i really do appreciate you, from the bottom on my heart. you've been the best!
love-hate with technology eh? i love using apple products, my mac, my brother's ipod.. just havent exactly been having the best of relationships with them. but i've learnt my lesson. i'm going to take extremely good care of my macbook, not excluding other things as well. but to really appreciate, cherish and give thanks for what God has given so freely me. be it tangible or non-tangible stuff. it has been a rather whiny, rant-ish post... but i'm glad at the end of it all, i can look back and give thanks and to count my blessings. things could've turned out way worse like my hard drive not having warranty or my macbook being pronounced technically dead. could've gone wrong in a million other ways, but it didn't. for that, i thank God. think i've come to see the uglier side of me as well, where i sulk and shout at my laptop, out of frustration... it's a challenge for me to practice self-control both in terms of charcter and speech...
God, i'm going to trust that everything's going to be okay and that i'll have my macbook up and running again and to do all that i need to. i've learnt my lesson.. to take good care, to not be complacent, to cherish and be more appreciative.
what a ride.
my dad purchased my macbook for me because he didn't feel completely reassured if were to buy it myself. he bought it without me knowing either. hence, i wasn't there when the technician modified my macbook too, yes modified. i was mortified, when my dad told me. apparently, the technician cajoled him into upgrading my hard drive, so that means that i have no original hard drive. plus point was that the technician installed everything i needed and even windows vista. so technically, i had 2 OS(s) operating within my laptop. i liked that. i thought it was really convenient for me. everything was dandy and fine till the day it died.
came home one day to an unresponsive macbook. i panicked coz my unprinted 2000 words essay was still sitting like a dead duck in the laptop. we went back to bell electronics (that was where my dad purchased my macbook) to try and get it fixed, but the salesperson turned us away saying that they didnt sell macbooks. my dad and i were sooo upset at the guy! i mean that's no logical rationale behind that. but we were at the losing end because we somehow misplaced the receipt. i know, terrible right? nevermind that, we went on to a macshop and devised means to try and retrieve the data, to no avail. i was really, really crushed. we brought the dead thing home, removed the hard drive from its slot and tried manual retrieval, which inevitably failed too. i retyped all 2000 words of it. never knew i possessed such willpower. i sat from 5pm to 3am in the same chair and finished it. it was mad. pure madness.
so on to what happened next. i called the apple hotline and then came to the final conclusion of bringing it to the apple service centre and you know the rest. so then since my hitachi hard drive is still under 36 months (26 months left) worth of warranty from acecom, i decided to bring my hard drive in to the shop to get it replaced. guess what, it got replaced! immediately! (: yay double yay!
prior to that, the sales person from acecom told me that i had to remove the hard drive myself but i didnt know how to. i brought it to this other shop that sold macs, and they wanted to charge me $40(!!!) for it. ripoff. just had a feeling that things weren't right... so i left without patronizing their very costly service.. walked into another store and got it removed, for free! i told watson about what happened and he said: "you could've gotten 10 screwdrivers for that price and you only required removing 3 screws!" oh wow... i almost got cheated today. but i should really count my blessings.
when i first called acecom to ask about hard drive replacement, they said it would take 2-3 weeks for the replacement to come in, but i'm really thankful that i got a brand new one on the spot. i was so happy! initially, i was worried about visiting acecom coz i did not send my warranty card in. i was just telling God to please, please, please let the acecom guys not ask about that and in exchange for that, i'll take really really good care of my macbook and to not be so rough with it. and God was so good, they didn't ask about it and gave me a new hard drive without hesistation. thank God.. really thank God (: so you see, i should count my blessings, shouldn't i?
i thought it was all over. new hard drive, just got to install my stuff. but that was not to be, i left my hard drive tray with the old unit! i have to call acecom tmr and pray really hard that they have not sent it away to seagate to be rma-ed. but chances are, it's not yet shipped off. so fingers and toes crossed.
but i'm really thankful to Watson to have talked me through over msn about installing my hard drive and all, asking him many other mac questions where he very patiently and graciously explained them all to me. i haven't spoken to him in quite a bit and he was really very nice to have helped me so much! so thanks watson! (: and for my brother who has always gone the extra mile to help me with IT stuff (i'm nooooooob). yet again, patient and rather long-suffering because i'll always be in a very bad mood whenever technology fails me. he's been so nice to help me even though he doesnt know how exactly apple system works. he will go online and google help tips to assist me. when my macbk first dies, he stayed up with me till 3am in the morn to troubleshoot. i really appreciate my brother a lot. thanks kor! (: you asked how i'm going to repay you right? that was a short tribute to you (macham you died... muahaha.. kidding!) but i really do appreciate you, from the bottom on my heart. you've been the best!
love-hate with technology eh? i love using apple products, my mac, my brother's ipod.. just havent exactly been having the best of relationships with them. but i've learnt my lesson. i'm going to take extremely good care of my macbook, not excluding other things as well. but to really appreciate, cherish and give thanks for what God has given so freely me. be it tangible or non-tangible stuff. it has been a rather whiny, rant-ish post... but i'm glad at the end of it all, i can look back and give thanks and to count my blessings. things could've turned out way worse like my hard drive not having warranty or my macbook being pronounced technically dead. could've gone wrong in a million other ways, but it didn't. for that, i thank God. think i've come to see the uglier side of me as well, where i sulk and shout at my laptop, out of frustration... it's a challenge for me to practice self-control both in terms of charcter and speech...
God, i'm going to trust that everything's going to be okay and that i'll have my macbook up and running again and to do all that i need to. i've learnt my lesson.. to take good care, to not be complacent, to cherish and be more appreciative.
what a ride.
Sunday, May 18, 2008
desensitized?
life goes on
it's almost strange to see how the world moves on so quickly
like myanmar and china - they're just pages in history
are we all too numbed?
numbed to destruction
numbed to calamity
numbed to suffering
have we become desensitized?
but so much has happened in so short a time
can we really be faulted for reacting this way?
i guess we just, move on.
it's almost strange to see how the world moves on so quickly
like myanmar and china - they're just pages in history
are we all too numbed?
numbed to destruction
numbed to calamity
numbed to suffering
have we become desensitized?
but so much has happened in so short a time
can we really be faulted for reacting this way?
i guess we just, move on.
Wednesday, May 14, 2008
Friday, May 09, 2008
Thursday, May 08, 2008
it's 1.56am now.
i couldn't sleep because i felt an overwhelming sense of fear. a sense of dread came over me when i thought about my driving test. i'm scared. i'm just so scared. afraid that i won't pass, again.
it'll be my 4th test. 3rd time lucky doesn't seem to apply to me. think i haven't really discussed this openly till now. guess i've been embarassed by it and i feel stupid for not being able to pass a simple test of driving. it's no doubt demoralizing .. a complete kill-joy. i really thought i could pass on my 1st try. oh well, God has other plans.
i really felt like a failure when i failed, not once but thrice. funny thing is, i always related it to my mental capability; my intelligence. i equated not being able to drive to being stupid. i know.. total bullocks, isn't it? but, that just felt so real when i didn't make it, i felt like i didnt measure to my friends (most of them btw) who have already gotten their licence and have passed within their 1st 2 tries.
i remembered crying every single time i failed; crying the hardest when i failed the 3rd time. felt like i let my parents down 'coz they're paying for half my driving fees. but i'm thankful such understanding parents although it's obvious that i've disappointed them, especially my mum. it just makes the pressure and the need to pass even greater. i feel the heat. constant what-ifs fill my mind. i can't tell them to go away 'coz they won't. not until i pass anyway.
it's really hard to stay positive sometimes. and i dont know if it's good or bad to have friends and family rooting for you. coz it's so much easier if nobody knew coz then nobody'd ask how your driving test went. but i suppose it's an issue of pride and that God's trying to teach me a lesson on humility and that there's nth to be ashamed of because i really did try my best.
i'm really thankful though, for friends who kept me in prayer and have encouraged me along the way (: i can't put down in words how loved and encouraged i felt. thank you all so much, i appreciate it!
to Yilin: thank you so much again, for coming down after my 2nd test, with the initial intention to celebrate my pass. but you ended up lending me your shoulder to cry on. for that, i'm most grateful... thank you for being there (:
i remembered reading this somewhere and had a friend say this to me too: "God doesn't bring you so far, only to let you fail". i'm just gonna hold on to that...
pardon my english and sentence sturctures etc. it has really gone downhill since my exams. time to dust the dust off the literary pen, man. i think i sound really jaded in this post. perhaps it's coz i havent really straightened out my thoughts bout this yet... i'll update it again.
i couldn't sleep because i felt an overwhelming sense of fear. a sense of dread came over me when i thought about my driving test. i'm scared. i'm just so scared. afraid that i won't pass, again.
it'll be my 4th test. 3rd time lucky doesn't seem to apply to me. think i haven't really discussed this openly till now. guess i've been embarassed by it and i feel stupid for not being able to pass a simple test of driving. it's no doubt demoralizing .. a complete kill-joy. i really thought i could pass on my 1st try. oh well, God has other plans.
i really felt like a failure when i failed, not once but thrice. funny thing is, i always related it to my mental capability; my intelligence. i equated not being able to drive to being stupid. i know.. total bullocks, isn't it? but, that just felt so real when i didn't make it, i felt like i didnt measure to my friends (most of them btw) who have already gotten their licence and have passed within their 1st 2 tries.
i remembered crying every single time i failed; crying the hardest when i failed the 3rd time. felt like i let my parents down 'coz they're paying for half my driving fees. but i'm thankful such understanding parents although it's obvious that i've disappointed them, especially my mum. it just makes the pressure and the need to pass even greater. i feel the heat. constant what-ifs fill my mind. i can't tell them to go away 'coz they won't. not until i pass anyway.
it's really hard to stay positive sometimes. and i dont know if it's good or bad to have friends and family rooting for you. coz it's so much easier if nobody knew coz then nobody'd ask how your driving test went. but i suppose it's an issue of pride and that God's trying to teach me a lesson on humility and that there's nth to be ashamed of because i really did try my best.
i'm really thankful though, for friends who kept me in prayer and have encouraged me along the way (: i can't put down in words how loved and encouraged i felt. thank you all so much, i appreciate it!
to Yilin: thank you so much again, for coming down after my 2nd test, with the initial intention to celebrate my pass. but you ended up lending me your shoulder to cry on. for that, i'm most grateful... thank you for being there (:
i remembered reading this somewhere and had a friend say this to me too: "God doesn't bring you so far, only to let you fail". i'm just gonna hold on to that...
pardon my english and sentence sturctures etc. it has really gone downhill since my exams. time to dust the dust off the literary pen, man. i think i sound really jaded in this post. perhaps it's coz i havent really straightened out my thoughts bout this yet... i'll update it again.
Wednesday, May 07, 2008
Tuesday, April 29, 2008
Sunday, April 27, 2008
Thursday, April 24, 2008
confession:
i am a secret fashionista.
i appear to be someone absolutely not into fashion; not at first glance anyway.
always decked out in my jeans and t-shirts. and my trusty $5 flipflops.
i'm attracted to beautiful clothes with vibrant colours and outrageous styles
sometimes i like clean lines and neat hemming.
other times, i prefer the arty farty look with nerd glasses.
or the occasional bohe-ness with my brown linen pants.
styles run through my head all the time
ive even a mental picture of my wedding dress (haha)
something i've always wanted to do (just for kicks),
is to strut down the runway in an awesome dress. fierce. (maybe i've been watching too much america's next top model)
on days when i dress in a slip shod manner and have a bad hair day,
i pass it off as grunge fashion.
what can i say?
i really do love fashion.
but i dont know why i dont show that side of me.
one day, i'll come as the inner fashionista and knock everyone out with my outrageous style.
to fashion
and to the secret fashionista of meself
(:
i am a secret fashionista.
i appear to be someone absolutely not into fashion; not at first glance anyway.
always decked out in my jeans and t-shirts. and my trusty $5 flipflops.
i'm attracted to beautiful clothes with vibrant colours and outrageous styles
sometimes i like clean lines and neat hemming.
other times, i prefer the arty farty look with nerd glasses.
or the occasional bohe-ness with my brown linen pants.
styles run through my head all the time
ive even a mental picture of my wedding dress (haha)
something i've always wanted to do (just for kicks),
is to strut down the runway in an awesome dress. fierce. (maybe i've been watching too much america's next top model)
on days when i dress in a slip shod manner and have a bad hair day,
i pass it off as grunge fashion.
what can i say?
i really do love fashion.
but i dont know why i dont show that side of me.
one day, i'll come as the inner fashionista and knock everyone out with my outrageous style.
to fashion
and to the secret fashionista of meself
(:
Saturday, April 19, 2008
I cannot wait for the exams to be over! there is so much that i'm looking forward to do. who doesn't, eh?(: besides, i'm beginning to feel exhausted.. but i shall press on! strength will rise as we wait upon the Lord.. (:
but to be honest, I cannot deny this sense of alienation from everything and most people.. a typical day consists of studying alone from morning till night, apart from breaks to get some (ok, maybe more than some) food into the system. i miss having a social life, being part of the younger ones' lives and just being with my music... But otherwise, i'm secretly thankful for this lack of distraction.
This exam period has really taught me to appreciate my family so much more because i realize how much i've missed them at the end of each day upon their return in the evening time. I've been studying with my sister too, which is rather nice, i must admit. she staves off the stress on my mind with her silly antics every now and then when revision hits a lull, she reminds me to push on, which is great.
i'm feeling kinda bumped out 'coz smth terrible happened during my 2nd paper. our prof told us that the quotes for quotation-identifying section of the paper will be taken only from the lecture notes, but things kinda turned out the other way. none of the quotes were taken from the lecture notes. imagine the shock. think JQ's going to clarify this matter with our prof and hopefully marking will be more lenient, if not a moderation.. i suppose.
then again, it's no point worrying about it coz worrying ain't gonna change anything. but since most of us are in the same boat, i'll pray that the bell curve will work its wonders. haha.
2 down, 2 to go. i can do it (:
and i'm really glad that tmr's sunday (: really am.
thank You God for seeing me through the past papers. thank You that your grace is always all sufficient and i'm just going to put my trust in You (:
Even youths shall faint and be weary,and young men shall fall exhausted;
but they who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength;they shall mount up with wings like eagles;they shall run and not be weary;they shall walk and not faint.
- Isaiah 40:30-31
press on my dear friends! (:
but to be honest, I cannot deny this sense of alienation from everything and most people.. a typical day consists of studying alone from morning till night, apart from breaks to get some (ok, maybe more than some) food into the system. i miss having a social life, being part of the younger ones' lives and just being with my music... But otherwise, i'm secretly thankful for this lack of distraction.
This exam period has really taught me to appreciate my family so much more because i realize how much i've missed them at the end of each day upon their return in the evening time. I've been studying with my sister too, which is rather nice, i must admit. she staves off the stress on my mind with her silly antics every now and then when revision hits a lull, she reminds me to push on, which is great.
i'm feeling kinda bumped out 'coz smth terrible happened during my 2nd paper. our prof told us that the quotes for quotation-identifying section of the paper will be taken only from the lecture notes, but things kinda turned out the other way. none of the quotes were taken from the lecture notes. imagine the shock. think JQ's going to clarify this matter with our prof and hopefully marking will be more lenient, if not a moderation.. i suppose.
then again, it's no point worrying about it coz worrying ain't gonna change anything. but since most of us are in the same boat, i'll pray that the bell curve will work its wonders. haha.
2 down, 2 to go. i can do it (:
and i'm really glad that tmr's sunday (: really am.
thank You God for seeing me through the past papers. thank You that your grace is always all sufficient and i'm just going to put my trust in You (:
Even youths shall faint and be weary,and young men shall fall exhausted;
but they who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength;they shall mount up with wings like eagles;they shall run and not be weary;they shall walk and not faint.
- Isaiah 40:30-31
press on my dear friends! (:
Wednesday, April 09, 2008
Monday, March 31, 2008
Saturday, March 29, 2008
Wednesday, March 26, 2008
the quiet yet steady confidence
Intimidation not about life in general, but intimidation faced in school.
Sitting down and chatting over lunch with some friends in school today made me realize how real this issue is amongst everyone of us. My dear friends are losing faith in themselves. we're getting intimidated by people whom we deem as smart. To quote a friend: "I wasn't even like that in the past. but as of now, self confidence is 0, esteem is 0. I don't even dare to speak up in class anymore." (speaking up in class earns us class participation points which takes up 10% of our final grade. very crucial especially since tutorial lessons are crafted in such a way that encourages tutor-student interaction. sadly, it's a singaporean thing to speak up less..)
We've become so fearful of what people think of what we say. The fear of appearing silly, the fear of being critiqued and having nothing to say in defense of ourselves.. the vulnerability of not having answers. But I suppose the pressure is greater in my tutorial class 'coz the smarties are here. man, you should've seen what kanjiong spiders we all were before every presentation.
i digress: i wonder if these people KNOW that they're intimidating? if they do, do they derive some sense of sardonic glee in watchin us squirm in our seats? hahaha. being overly-analytical. BUT so possible! in any way, they're definitely positive influences 'coz you feel the motivation to catch up with them, to be on par. But, there's always the other end of the spectrum - taking the pressure negatively and start feeling all dejected.
this got me thinking. Why are we allowing ourselves to feel that way? why do we allow ourselves to be intimidated by people like that? silly things to do, don't you think? and yet at the same time, it's definitely something very real and not to be swept under the carpet. all of us have battled with thoughts like these at one point or another. feeling stupid and blah.i suppose that it's only human to feel this way, to feel underpowered and inadequate for tasks, and that our best doesn't seem to be enough.
"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and He will make your paths straight." - prov 3:5-6
Perhaps, this is why and how Christians are different. The quiet confidence that we have in God, trusting and depending on Him that He will make everything right, that everything will ultimately be okay. but of course, we work hard for what we want... no such thing as a free munch in the world right? but of course, we don't trust God all the time. Times of falling into disbelief.
2 Tim 1:7 says: For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love and of a sound mind.
"if any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives to all men generously and without reproaching, and it will be given to him." - James 1:5
these are the verses i hold on whenever i feel stupid, not-confident, inadequate. to hold fast to its promises. reminds me that i'm not stupid, at all. and knowing that i have no lack of wisdom and of knowledge fascinates me to no end. fears of being not good enough in school, fears of not doing well, this is what sustains me, what brings me hope.
to do my best and God does the rest.
quoting Nana: "think as christians, we always give our problems to God, only to take it back." how true... if only we could all lay hold of all of God's promises and to really let go and let live. that of course, requires faith. to have faith always is hard especially when the world we live in demands fact after fact to substantiate our claims. but faith... is faith:" it is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see". - Hebrews 11:1. so absolutely contrary to what the world says: seeing is believing. but really, let's think about the future. nobody is certain about the future, we can all work hard towards a certain goal, but for it to turn out well requires some bit of faith too right?
and as a dear, sweet friend, Jane, always says with such child-like wonder and faith: "God will bless us! We must first do our best believe that God will make it happen!"
laying hold of His promises.
that's what i'm going to do.
faith stretching!
i guess all these alludes to the bigger picture of life. of living life more fully and investing our time into worthwhile things and causes. living life confidently, without fear, which really doesn't discount the bad stuff that happens. but to make lemonade of out of lemon juice.
to a full life! (:
geez, i sound like an old lady talking. i'm not even 20 lah...
this is terrible, i keep saying so much, and one thing leads to another, i'll NEVER end my blog post! this is a lousy example of modernist writing (i learnt this fact in class) since it shows the stream of consciousness, the rambling on of thoughts that isn't very structured, the exploration of multiple aspects and all the "..." symbolizes continuity of thoughts (:
okay. i REALLY have to stop and get started on HL103.
tata (:
the quiet yet steady confidence in God. gogogo!
Intimidation not about life in general, but intimidation faced in school.
Sitting down and chatting over lunch with some friends in school today made me realize how real this issue is amongst everyone of us. My dear friends are losing faith in themselves. we're getting intimidated by people whom we deem as smart. To quote a friend: "I wasn't even like that in the past. but as of now, self confidence is 0, esteem is 0. I don't even dare to speak up in class anymore." (speaking up in class earns us class participation points which takes up 10% of our final grade. very crucial especially since tutorial lessons are crafted in such a way that encourages tutor-student interaction. sadly, it's a singaporean thing to speak up less..)
We've become so fearful of what people think of what we say. The fear of appearing silly, the fear of being critiqued and having nothing to say in defense of ourselves.. the vulnerability of not having answers. But I suppose the pressure is greater in my tutorial class 'coz the smarties are here. man, you should've seen what kanjiong spiders we all were before every presentation.
i digress: i wonder if these people KNOW that they're intimidating? if they do, do they derive some sense of sardonic glee in watchin us squirm in our seats? hahaha. being overly-analytical. BUT so possible! in any way, they're definitely positive influences 'coz you feel the motivation to catch up with them, to be on par. But, there's always the other end of the spectrum - taking the pressure negatively and start feeling all dejected.
this got me thinking. Why are we allowing ourselves to feel that way? why do we allow ourselves to be intimidated by people like that? silly things to do, don't you think? and yet at the same time, it's definitely something very real and not to be swept under the carpet. all of us have battled with thoughts like these at one point or another. feeling stupid and blah.i suppose that it's only human to feel this way, to feel underpowered and inadequate for tasks, and that our best doesn't seem to be enough.
"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and He will make your paths straight." - prov 3:5-6
Perhaps, this is why and how Christians are different. The quiet confidence that we have in God, trusting and depending on Him that He will make everything right, that everything will ultimately be okay. but of course, we work hard for what we want... no such thing as a free munch in the world right? but of course, we don't trust God all the time. Times of falling into disbelief.
2 Tim 1:7 says: For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love and of a sound mind.
"if any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives to all men generously and without reproaching, and it will be given to him." - James 1:5
these are the verses i hold on whenever i feel stupid, not-confident, inadequate. to hold fast to its promises. reminds me that i'm not stupid, at all. and knowing that i have no lack of wisdom and of knowledge fascinates me to no end. fears of being not good enough in school, fears of not doing well, this is what sustains me, what brings me hope.
to do my best and God does the rest.
quoting Nana: "think as christians, we always give our problems to God, only to take it back." how true... if only we could all lay hold of all of God's promises and to really let go and let live. that of course, requires faith. to have faith always is hard especially when the world we live in demands fact after fact to substantiate our claims. but faith... is faith:" it is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see". - Hebrews 11:1. so absolutely contrary to what the world says: seeing is believing. but really, let's think about the future. nobody is certain about the future, we can all work hard towards a certain goal, but for it to turn out well requires some bit of faith too right?
and as a dear, sweet friend, Jane, always says with such child-like wonder and faith: "God will bless us! We must first do our best believe that God will make it happen!"
laying hold of His promises.
that's what i'm going to do.
faith stretching!
i guess all these alludes to the bigger picture of life. of living life more fully and investing our time into worthwhile things and causes. living life confidently, without fear, which really doesn't discount the bad stuff that happens. but to make lemonade of out of lemon juice.
to a full life! (:
geez, i sound like an old lady talking. i'm not even 20 lah...
this is terrible, i keep saying so much, and one thing leads to another, i'll NEVER end my blog post! this is a lousy example of modernist writing (i learnt this fact in class) since it shows the stream of consciousness, the rambling on of thoughts that isn't very structured, the exploration of multiple aspects and all the "..." symbolizes continuity of thoughts (:
okay. i REALLY have to stop and get started on HL103.
tata (:
the quiet yet steady confidence in God. gogogo!
it's a beautiful day
it's a beautiful day
passing life by,
looking, but not seeing.
hearing, but not listening.
touching, but not feeling.
but today, gently and tenderly
You reminded me
those clear skies
the soft hue of powder blue
that glorious warmth
poured out on my back
i didn't pause
but i felt Your hand
i walked with You today
in the secret garden
in the secret garden
and i basked
in the warmth of love
of satisfaction
of hope
and strength
i smiled
resting my gaze on the clouds afar
the skies abundant
not a speck of grey
not a trace of rain
truly cherished
so quenches the tired soul
the quiet during the storm
the peace during the rain
the quiet after the storm
the peace after the rain
the peace during the rain
the quiet after the storm
the peace after the rain
the beautiful skies
they bring me hope
of Your unfailing love
a reminder of His tender love
to keep my eyes heavenward
to keep my eyes heavenward
min*
Sunday, March 23, 2008
At the Cross
Oh Lord You've searched me
You know my way
Even when I fail You
I know You love me
Your holy presence
Surrounding me
In every season
I know You love me
I know You love me
At the cross I bow my knee
Where Your blood was shed for me
There's no greater love than this
You have overcome the grave
Glory fills the highest place
What can separate me now
You go before me
You shield my way
Your hand upholds me
I know You love me
At the cross I bow my knee
Where Your blood was shed for me
There's no greater love than this
You have overcome the grave
Glory fills the highest place
What can separate me now?
You tore the veil
You made a way
When You said that it is done
And when the earth's veil
Falls from my eyes
And You stand before me
I know You love me
Oh.. I know You love me
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