Lord, please send good Christian friends my way. for people who are on the same frequency, for a good support group and not just pockets of friends from here and there but Lord, for people with whom i can be accountable to. =/ maybe all of this is a necessary part of growing up. losing close friends and that core group. close and good friends leaving for studies overseas and some, leave church altogether. everyone feels so scattered. i've pocket of friends from various stages of growing up but we've all drifted and with perspectives that are so diverse, it's hard to feel at home. argh. or maybe it's just me. my thoughts are in a jumble but i feel like i lack good friends ): so God, i'm praying for You to send them my way and for me to be able to see that and for courage to be vulnerable enough to share. sigh.

More and more, i find that I've many ideals and expectations that have yielded nothing because they werent realistic. time for a paradigm shift.

He make all things beautiful in His time (:
That I need to remember.

I am my own undoing

family

"A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger." - proverbs 15:1

Mom and i had a heated argument over the weekend where we were both at fault although at that point of timei felt that i wasn't as much at fault as she was... and that was a really bad mindset coz i didn't put myself in her shoes or rather i felt like i needed to do so but did not coz i felt that i was right. it was a scary and very telling incident of how much pride and self-righteousness i had in me and how it had hardened my heart and rationalized my thoughts against any form of correction or submission. but during that period of being angry at mom, i felt incredibly uncomfortable (the holy spirit must've been the culprit, haha) and it ate at me until i gave it to God. from being so bent on being correct and aggressive, God brought me to a place of repentance and He really did soften my heart towards my mom. i just felt so convicted of apologizing to her, regardless of who offended who first. (paradigm shift, man.) ties needed to be mended and it needs to come before talking it through.

where conflict is to be resolved, forgiveness and love is needed to cover the ground first.

when i did eventually apologize to my mom, i half expected her to scold me - which i had mentally prepared myself for - but it never came... i was touched that my mom spoke to me very kindly in spite of how i behaved/what i said. she just said that she loves me and all that she says is out of goodwill even when it's things that are difficult to hear. granted that not everything she says is well, haha, the best, (hence, dad right? hehe) but i know she tries her hardest and best-est; she counsels me out of the wisdom God had allowed life to deal unto her.

Dad also told me that if all we did is to focus on the faults of others, nothing would stand. all bonds that were painstakingly built from before will break. what we need to do is to change our perspective and focus on what's good in the person instead, and let that love, honor and respect for the other person overflow and cover his/her flaws and let that be the basis of correcting. and likewise, for a marriage or a friendship or a relationship to withstand the test of time, the idiosyncrasies of each other and the words of others, this half-glass full perspective is sooo needed, especially when we judge others so quickly and break people with our words like nobody's business.

i feel like God had just taught me a profound lesson through my mom (in the words of Joshua from Focus on the Family): "anger stirs anger, calm stirs calm."

my mom could've chosen to reprimand me but she chose to speak lovingly instead and it totally, totally changed the way i responded to her. my heart softened a million times over. it inspired/motivated me to want to make things work even more; it made me want to speak lovingly and in humility. (: sigh~ oh, mom. this is something i will remember and want to remember even when i'm tempted to do otherwise. what, a lesson, really. it's beyond precious.

through my sister, i had a glimpse of what my mom felt when i was upset with her because my younger sister modelled after my actions when i scolded her. man, did it sting... ah, funny how God teaches, eh?

but God, i really thank You for my family... You gave me them to sharpen and mould me; most of all, You gave me them to keep me grounded in my values. home is where You intended me to feel protected where i can draw from a well of wisdom (from my parents and siblings) and run back to for comfort, support and encouragement. it's something that not everybody has... and i give thanks for this blessing. i'm so guilty of comparing families =/ so God, open my eyes to the love of my family, every single day.

¹ "Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. ² “Honor your father and mother”—which is the first commandment with a promise— ³ so that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth."

- eph 6:1-3

our families and parents are God-given and God-designed to mould/teach us so no matter how tough the going gets, we need to learn to respect and give them honour regardless of conflicts and disagreements. this is really how we learn to respect others as well. along with that comes the need to protect them as well so do what's within your power to place them in the standing they deserve.

hodgepodgerr.tumblr.com

hello guys, i've had a tumblr account for some time now but didn't know how i should run 2 blogs at the same time. and so i've decided that my tumblog would be of more 'light-hearted' and less private things and of course, preeeeeetty pictures (: and my current blog be reserved for more personal sharings coz it's a bit scary to share so much with so many people. so yes, you're my trustworthy and privileged (ehehe, pardon the ego) readers. so, see you guys at tumblr (: i'm actually really having quite a bit of fun with it! hahaha.

God's claim upon my life; my claim upon His Word

i'm going to keep claiming and standing on God's promises for me. that much, i need to do and never stop doing. over and over, i need to keep trusting and believing and proclaiming. in a post that i wanted to blog before, i mentioned that utterance is powerful. speaking and proclaiming is understated when we mean it for empowerment because i truly believe that an outward proclamation is as much of a sign of an inward conviction as deeds are. utterance reinforces belief, utterance reinforces FAITH.

for today and everyday, i claim this:

"For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self-discipline." - 2 tim 1:7

i know complain a lot. i blame a lot and i'm ashamed of it. God, help me to change and be better and to go into every difficult situation knowing that Your promises hold me up, Your encouragement sustains me and that Lord, You are fighting the battle with and for me. and that every time, i hear voices that are not of You, help me to DISAGREE with them for in doing so, i'm already standing on Your side - it's half the battle won.

so, c'mon, min!!

***

on another note, i want to give thanks today:

i'm thankful that in this FYP process (although it's at its initial stages), i'm excited to write and that the ideas are flowing and i pray it will continue to flow until it rests at the final word. not to mention, i have a wonderful supervisor who's so patient and approachable - a real joy and privilege to be tutored by. for all these, God, i give thanks to You to have planned it as such. (: let me not lose steam, i know God, by Your grace, i can do this and i can do well too.

thank You (:

***

i was told i give in too much

pondered and saw that it is true

so i'll let go a little again

maybe then i'll know

thy will be done

so, Ian has officially declared me a sucker for weddings, and i've never realized that i'm one until recently. sigh~ i really, really do loovee weddings (: they remind me of God's promises and amazing blessings that He can give through another person -- a partner whom He's intended to walk through life with you. a partner; co-worker; helper - ezer kenegdo to him, to complement, to make you better, to make you holier. it marks the beginning of a new adventure. isn't that exciting? living life with your best friend.. (: sigh~ okok, i'm going into this wedding/marriage daydreaming mode. haha. but allow me to indulge in this picture that i came across:

major awwww!!!

i'm not gonna call myself a sucker for weddings coz it sounds terrible (haha). i prefer... enthusiast. so, wedding enthusiast, out! (:

Waiting

"[M]y dear friend Frank Murray, an elder brother to me in the Lord, said regarding a matter we had prayed about, 'It is a mistake to measure such things by introspection. He heard and answered. That is all there is to it. Let the answer be manifested in His own time and way.'"

- Elisabeth Elliot, 'The Path of Loneliness'

***

In waiting, grow me.

i need Your assurance to let me know that everything's gonna be okay.

standing on Your promises!

amen!! (:

[for all of God's precious daughters (sons too!) - loved & cherished]

fishforpeople.net

Heavy-hearted

):

Haste not;
Pine not.

Ecclesiastes 3:11/ proverbs 15:17

prayer

tonight, i give thanks, for an answered prayer.

i type this with a full heart not because God has given everything i've always wanted but because He's showed me the greater gift and satisfaction of what it means to share in His joy of a lost and broken heart finding & turning to Him.

tonight, i give thanks for my sister (: i give thanks for the breakthrough in her life. i remember sitting at her table many months ago crying and praying that God would come and sweep through her life, for God to overwhelm her, to encounter her, for deep healing and joy to come... for restoration. and He did just that.

today, she's on the verge of graduating from Trackers, living in His love for her.

(: greater things have yet to come

i'm so much more than the way you make me feel

just because

(: so handsome

surrender

" Journey deeper into the heart of God:

He calls us to a joyous surrender -- sometimes its painful, sometimes it's joyful;

it's what we receive that's so much greater."

- matt maher

***

Oh pearl of greatest price

No act of sacrifice

Can match the gift of life I find within Your gaze

Oh, what a sweet exchange

I die to rise again

Lifted up from the grave into Your hands of grace

***

Our Father, who art in Heaven
Hallowed be thy name
Come and let Your glory,
Come and let Your glory fall.

Our Father, who art in Heaven
The rocks cry out Your fame
Come and let Your glory,
Come and let Your glory fall.

I will sing, sing a new song
I will sing, sing a new song
I will sing, sing a new song to the Lord

Let your kingdom come
Let your will be done
On earth as it is in heaven
Every eye proclaim
The mercy of Your name
On earth as it is in heaven.

God give us new every morning
Mercy his daily bread
In the name of Jesus
In the name of Jesus we pray

And lead us, not to temptation
But deliver us with Your hand
In the name of Jesus
In the name of Jesus we pray
Father we pray

Let your kingdom come
Let your will be done
On earth as it is in heaven
Every eye proclaim
The mercy of Your name
On earth as it is in heaven.

For the kingdom is yours
And the power is yours

discipline

"God has given us the Disciplines of the spiritual life as a means of receiving His grace. The Disciplines allow us to place ourselves before God so that he can transform us."

- Celebration of Discipline, Richard Foster

quieter love

"Being in love is a good thing, but not the best thing... it is a noble feeling, but it still a feeling. Now, no feeling can be relied on to last in its full intensity, or even to last at all... in fact, the state of being in love usually does not last... but of course ceasing to be 'in love' need not mean ceasing to love.

Love is a deep unity, maintained by the will and deliberately strengthened by habit; reinforced by the grace which both partners ask and receive from God... they can retain this love even when each would easily, if they allowed themselves, be 'in love' with someone else.

being in love first moved them to promise fidelity: this quieter love enables to keep their promise. it is on this love that the entire engine of marriage is run: being in love was the explosion that started it."

- Mere Christianity, C.S. Lewis.

hard - pressed

"Very truly I tell you, unless a kernel of wheat falls to the ground and dies, it remains only a single seed. But if it dies, it produces many seeds." - John 12:24

"to live is Christ, and to die is gain." - Philippians 1:21

surrendering the things that you hold closest to your heart is often the most difficult thing to do. but i trust that God makes all things perfect and that He has the best-est plans for me. i will trust.

and i've learnt that trusting is not just an utterance from our lips, or from our hearts, but it's an act of our will. this act of will conditions our focus and from it births discipline and healthy habits.