Mom and i had a heated argument over the weekend where we were both at fault although at that point of timei felt that i wasn't as much at fault as she was... and that was a really bad mindset coz i didn't put myself in her shoes or rather i felt like i needed to do so but did not coz i felt that i was right. it was a scary and very telling incident of how much pride and self-righteousness i had in me and how it had hardened my heart and rationalized my thoughts against any form of correction or submission. but during that period of being angry at mom, i felt incredibly uncomfortable (the holy spirit must've been the culprit, haha) and it ate at me until i gave it to God. from being so bent on being correct and aggressive, God brought me to a place of repentance and He really did soften my heart towards my mom. i just felt so convicted of apologizing to her, regardless of who offended who first. (paradigm shift, man.) ties needed to be mended and it needs to come before talking it through.
where conflict is to be resolved, forgiveness and love is needed to cover the ground first.
when i did eventually apologize to my mom, i half expected her to scold me - which i had mentally prepared myself for - but it never came... i was touched that my mom spoke to me very kindly in spite of how i behaved/what i said. she just said that she loves me and all that she says is out of goodwill even when it's things that are difficult to hear. granted that not everything she says is well, haha, the best, (hence, dad right? hehe) but i know she tries her hardest and best-est; she counsels me out of the wisdom God had allowed life to deal unto her.
Dad also told me that if all we did is to focus on the faults of others, nothing would stand. all bonds that were painstakingly built from before will break. what we need to do is to change our perspective and focus on what's good in the person instead, and let that love, honor and respect for the other person overflow and cover his/her flaws and let that be the basis of correcting. and likewise, for a marriage or a friendship or a relationship to withstand the test of time, the idiosyncrasies of each other and the words of others, this half-glass full perspective is sooo needed, especially when we judge others so quickly and break people with our words like nobody's business.
i feel like God had just taught me a profound lesson through my mom (in the words of Joshua from Focus on the Family): "anger stirs anger, calm stirs calm."
my mom could've chosen to reprimand me but she chose to speak lovingly instead and it totally, totally changed the way i responded to her. my heart softened a million times over. it inspired/motivated me to want to make things work even more; it made me want to speak lovingly and in humility. (: sigh~ oh, mom. this is something i will remember and want to remember even when i'm tempted to do otherwise. what, a lesson, really. it's beyond precious.
through my sister, i had a glimpse of what my mom felt when i was upset with her because my younger sister modelled after my actions when i scolded her. man, did it sting... ah, funny how God teaches, eh?
but God, i really thank You for my family... You gave me them to sharpen and mould me; most of all, You gave me them to keep me grounded in my values. home is where You intended me to feel protected where i can draw from a well of wisdom (from my parents and siblings) and run back to for comfort, support and encouragement. it's something that not everybody has... and i give thanks for this blessing. i'm so guilty of comparing families =/ so God, open my eyes to the love of my family, every single day.
1 "Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. 2 “Honor your father and mother”—which is the first commandment with a promise— 3 so that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth."
- eph 6:1-3
our families and parents are God-given and God-designed to mould/teach us so no matter how tough the going gets, we need to learn to respect and give them honour regardless of conflicts and disagreements. this is really how we learn to respect others as well. along with that comes the need to protect them as well so do what's within your power to place them in the standing they deserve.
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