it's alright

it felt good to be back in church on sunday, after being absent for 2 weeks. i remembered saying a short prayer before entering the sanctuary... to be refreshed, to just meet with Hm. that morning had been a cranky one and i felt weary at the end of the week, knowing that i needed to meet with Him in the secret, quiet place and i was looking forward to worship the most, the medium that God often uses to encourage and comfort me. and He did just that.

the Ottos, an australian band visited my church and the songs they sang just brought tears to my eyes.. such heartfelt and most tenderly written lyrics. it reminded me so much of His promise and of above all, His overarching love.



it's alright
He's by my side
and He'll take good care of me

it's alright
He's on my side
and He knows
my every need

He said
O you of little faith
see the sparrows in the sky
unencumbered by the cares of the world
I feed even them
clothe the lilies in the field
how much more to Me are you worth then these?

it's alright
i'm by your side
and i'll take
good care of you

it's alright
i'm on your side
and i know
all that you go through

He said
when you're at your lowest of lows
I want you to know
I think more of you
then what you could yourself

My love is deeper than the oceans
wider then the valleys
higher than the mountain tops
I gave my Son for you

i said
You formed then fought for my heart
O Father how great thou art
i know all that You are
seems too good but it's true

You made me then saved me
love me unconditionally
Father of mine
how did You give up Your Son for me?

thankful

coz God, You're sovereign

there is yet hope 

there is strength

there is resilience

above all

there is Love

and until all hope & love is lost (which is never)

there will be no wandering.

because Jesus is everlasting

because Jesus is our rock on which we stand

because Jesus is Jehovah Rophe 

our Healer

our Deliverer

the Lover of our souls

because Jesus is Hope

our hope shall never fail

and all the way 

shall my Savior lead

oh man. 1 week left before school starts all over again. more time! more time!

it's been really quite busy and i'm tired, but satisfied. give me me time.

connections don't stay connected forever

so much work

but you're not picking up your hoe

sian la

check-up

christmas is here (: there's so much to be thankful for, yet i can't seem to place my finger on a certain heaviness. hmm. pretty much a similar syndrome that rudy and i seems to be going through. funnily, we're both serving in the worship team together this sunday. and well, it can't be a coincidence that we're both feeling the same way. i think it's Jesus re-wiring some parts of our hearts, eh? and i'm excited to be serving again (: but there's always a certain element of undercutting that takes place to sorta rob me of that joy of serving. just before you do smth for Him, something happens and *snap*, the joy and the anticipation of doing something for Jesus just goes. there's always a certain something that happens every christmas that makes me feel that much more attuned to a particular hurt. yet, i know He makes all things beautiful and i'm looking forward to that (:

blogging about personal thoughts, about the tussles in life, the ups and downs of serving, of being in ministry, its joys and pains, the almost constant check-ups of my heart of knowing who He is. especially in this season (i think i've had more time and work done in church this season than any other time.. not complaining but enjoying it, really. despite heartaches nonetheless), reveals that much of my vulnerability as a person to you, who is reading this right now. i know my blog is only mostly open to my close friends and young punks (i know you spy on me! haha. but you know i love sharing my life with you guys though you may not necessarily think likewise. heh.) whom i trust and i know i'm not judged by you.. i hope! haa. but it makes me wonder what you think of me when perhaps all you read about are struggles. no, i'm not always like that... in fact i'm positively happy and upbeat most of the time (: i'm sure you already know that. perhaps that is why this is what puzzles you when you read about all these. but i find solace in words, in writing. helps me straighten all that's in knots inside. but i still blog about life's blessings, big and small what... haha.

for much of what i've written, i've written with this one thing in mind: to share with you who i am, with you my friend, my honesty of being real with struggles in life, with Jesus in all of them.. or at least i try to. but it doesn't make me some emo zealot. life still goes on, but these make me that much more attuned and sensitized to everyone and everything. i want to share about Jesus - how He has worked in my life, how He's made me who i am today (: that He is my stronghold, one that i know never falls. Someone so close to my heart that gives me strength for every rough patch. and i'm certainly not perfect... but in Him i find chance. i find grace. i find renewal. acceptance and never rejection. love so perfect that i'm not afraid to be me.

at the same time, it is also a chronicle of all the great people in my life, in celebration of awesome friendships and of the great love you guys, friends and family, all my loved ones, have given/shared/taught me about (:

the cosmetic company, Maybelline's tagline is: "because you're worth it". and i hope that this vulnerability of who i am to you, is worth it.

a heart & head check-up is what it is everytime i blog. yeah, it is. it's funny how i came online with the intention of blogging a couple of lines to tell you guys that i have so so much to blog about, really awesome stuff (: gig at an army camp and all, but don't have much time to do so right now. and all these other slew of words came right out.

ah well. stream of my human consciousness.

the gig is in 2 days time and i don't have my full voice back.

escapade

okay it's official. i'm not allowed to go for youth camp anymore. sigh.

i've been home for 6 days now. and i never thought the day where i'd balk at the mention of porridge, would come. i've been eating that for lunch and dinner for the past week. so sick of it. 

on a less depressing note, the weather today is oh so wonderfully fabulous... the sun's out in its full glory. beeeaaaauuutiful blue skies and nice white fluffy clouds, some wispy like cotton candy, others marshmellow fat. haha. marshmellow fat eh? and marshmellow is now an adjective. haa. it's comfy to have a cool breeze to accompany me whilst blogging and reading (: i feel like i'm on a mini vacation minus the light-headedness. rar. 

i wonder how everyone's doing at camp. i bet they're having a swell time. Lord, continue to keep them safe and healthy that they may come to know You even more. a time most well spent with one another and most of all, with You (:

i looked to the skies today

and i know You're there (:

black hawk down

hmphs.

i'm supposed to be at youth camp now. but argh.. silly flu bug. i thought i was well enough to go for camp considering how the fever has abated and all. but just as we were preparing to board the buses, i felt queasy, sick and rather light-headed. argh and i had to make the decision to go home. but i know i need the time to rest. the fever and all the drugs in my system accumulated to make me feel really weak - knees felt a bit wobbly today and my hands shaky and the mind seems to be working only at half speed. orgh.. sloooowwwww.... but then again, i think me falling ill is a blessing in disguise (: like people stepping up to take my place. awesome. i hope i get to go for the last couple of days. 

eagle out.

yeesters

it's the holidays and i'm feeling so overwhelmed. i just want to retreat, sit in a corner and not do anything. hugs would do wonders right now. for someone to remind me why i'm doing what i'm doing. for someone to remind me that it's not in vain. for someone to appreciate and affirm me. for someone to tell me that you won't judge me, for friends to feel safe with and not secondary. to be in a place where you'd be truthful. for someone to tell me that you're a genuine friend, that you'd lend me your hand and your shoulder. 

i feel so. alone.

Jesus, i know You're there and You're enough. 

You're enough

give me Jesus

to be set straight

A Time for Everything

 1 There is a time for everything, 
       and a season for every activity under heaven:

 2 a time to be born and a time to die, 
       a time to plant and a time to uproot,

 3 a time to kill and a time to heal, 
       a time to tear down and a time to build,

 4 a time to weep and a time to laugh, 
       a time to mourn and a time to dance,

 5 a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them, 
       a time to embrace and a time to refrain,

 6 a time to search and a time to give up, 
       a time to keep and a time to throw away,

 7 a time to tear and a time to mend, 
       a time to be silent and a time to speak,

 8 a time to love and a time to hate, 
       a time for war and a time for peace.

- ecclesiastes 3:1-8

something different

i have bangs!

i'm afraid but i'll have faith

yes, my exams are finally over. 

20 straight days of studying and studying and studying some more. today's paper wasn't that well done since i've bungled up the last question.. sigh. it's kinda tough right now, i suppose. the exams have been rather harsh, tiring and difficult and yeah i won't deny that i'm worried for my results. i was really quite upset when i left school. 

i went to the piano looking for some charts when i got home. there was one on top of a book and i thought that was it. but it wasn't. instead, it was "through Christ" that i found. 

(verse 1)
When the darkness tries 
to hide my way
Your word is the light 
that guides my faith
I will trust in You (x2)

(verse 2)
When my heart is weak 
& I've lost my way
I will lift up my eyes 
and choose to say
I will trust in You (x2)

(chorus)
I can do all things through Christ
I can move a mountain if You
Are the strength of my life
I can do all things through Christ
When You are the strength of my life

(verse 3)
In Your presence I find 
strength renewed
I find courage to stand 
& a hope that is new
I will trust in You (x2)

(bridge)
Whatever trials come my way
I will worship You always
Forever trust in Your unfailing love

Whenever doubt and fear press in
I still hear Your voice within
Forever trust in Your unfailing love

thank You Jesus for always hearing me, for giving me hope for each day. for ensuring me that it'll be okay. and i'll trust in You, in Your unfailing love. good or bad, i'll abide. 

i'll trust.

women drivers

as i was revising for my paper, i came across this poem, which is also specially dedicated to those who can't stand women drivers and also to those who drive or intend to drive ;)

Women Drivers

Our brakes don't squeal

Our cars can't speed

Our egos won't turn

Sharper than we need

We stop for red

We play by rules

We don't bend, or break

Cars with resale value

We'd rather give way

To our fellow men

Wanting to cut in

Than to move up or pretend

Yet we rattle the nerves 

Of motoring louts

Who feel stuck behind us

And cannot move out

When they finally pass

They throw dirty looks

Confirmation in sight

Of why they shook

What's wrong with slowing down?

With traffic we're moving

While we mull over

Which way we aren't going

No broken bones

No possibility

Of traffic accidents

From our gravity

Mindful of position

We calculate with care

The U-turn queue lengthens

We simply don't dare

We don't want to hurt

We'd rather not cheat

We don't like close shaves

We'll ignore your heat

Though we don't swerve or weave

We're a breed much maligned

The scapegoats you denigrate

With cliches unkind

Without sanity like ours

Imagine how roads would be

Demonized by thugs

Unchecked and dashing free

So gender recognition

By you smug motorists

Our compliment it is

Through your gritted teeth

- Lim Leow Geok (hurray for local writers!)

i must say there is some truth in this poem but it doesn't apply to all!

SO CUTE!

gravity

there's just something in her voice that made me listen to her over and over and over again. just so much in the simplicity of one song. it's strange that i feel that way when it's not the lyrics that struck a chord with me. rather, it's just the way it sounds: sooo authentic and soulful..

just the way i like it. haha.

an asterisk of love - grace

because everyone deserves better

a big dollop of sunshine

maybe a smaller spoonful of rain

and a multitude of rolling green hills

glorious days

today i caught myself being unhappy, again. but spying on my blog and reading a little of what i've written some time ago down the dusty, worn out and trodden path of melancholy, reminded me that i shouldn't be so. i have much to be thankful for. yeah, i bet some of you reading are thinking: not again... haha. hrms, a synonym then: grateful ;)

i talked to a friend today while at Youthphoria and i must say i haven't exactly been the nicest person to him and i suppose i took him for granted too many times. and learning from others about what he's done for me and many others is just -sigh- heartwarming and at the same time, puts me to shame for not being a better friend.

a friend so selfless.

i do not deserve.

taking a look around, i see i'm lavished upon. i see that i'm given more than i deserve. i see that i'm unworthy. re-reading some of the bday cards and letters dear friends wrote to me made me tear. because i'm undeserving of what's written. i am but much. i am only little. i am still falling, making mistakes. i am still learning. i am still growing.

but i am loved.

so undeserving of grace.

but because of grace that was given to me, i'm a better person. 

because of grace, i can love.

because of grace, everyone deserves better.

fluff

a tutor from school emailed to inform us about the collection of our essays and she said this: 

"Please be responsible and respect these papers: don't steal each others' essays please!"

*amused*

the day i turn TWO-OH (:

O God, I thank You for my life - for the people that You've placed in it, not by coincidence but by Your good and perfect plan. For the friends and family that i have, each one so dear to me. Father, I thank You for all the blessings that You've given so freely - be it big or small. oh Lord, You've been so so so exceedingly good. forgive me for the times when i've complained, when I was blind to all the love that You showered upon me. for without You, this day and many others would not have come to pass. so God, i dedicate my birthday post to You - as a chronicle of Your blessings and grace and mercy for the past 2 decades (:

this year's birthday has been so special and i cherish it so so much. come to think of it, it's quite crazy actually. i've celebrated my birthday for a grand total of 5 times (!) and i thought it couldn't get any better than last year's.

ah.. i count my blessings (:

the very first

was last friday's celebrations with the best PCG (cell grp) in the whole wide world (: luanie's mum and dad were so kind as to have rented the SAF chalet (which was downright fantastic. most gorgeous chalet EVER), for her over the weekend to celebrate her birthday. but luanie being the big hearted person that she is, decided that all the nov babies, including myself and vincent, will celebrate it together and celebrate we did (: hahaha how i thank God for such a great bunch of friends (: and thank you everyone for the really sleek black mac crystal casing! LOVE IT!!! thank you all so much! (: and luanie, i still have not passed you your bday card! will pass it to you soon! (:

the second

celebration was with the doughstick chicks at Wine Company! and ladies, it was a splendid evening... the recipe of a simple dinner and the company of great friends makes for a swell time (: it's amazing to see how we've all grown and changed in 4 years, even what we talk about now is different. it's difficult to find friends to bare one's soul to so readily, without inhibition and without the fear of judgment and i've found that in the security and the rock of our friendship. i love you guys so so much and i thank God for each one of you (: from respecting my beliefs to understanding even the weirdest of my quirks. i have amazing friends and you're it. thank you guys for such a wonderful birthday celebration! hugs! here's to a lifetime as friends (:

third,

celebration was a surprise in school by the LOVELIES! haha. my DG mates from crusade! you guys are the sweetest ever - they surprised me with a mini muffin and 2 lollipops as substitute candles. how cute, followed by a massive tradition of photo-taking, no not cam- whoring. ahahaha. it was a lunch well spent and i feel so loved. friends whom i've come to befriend for less than a year, yet speak at length about our lives and just being accountable to one another in christian fellowship. it's amazing to grow alongside one another with our walks with Christ. all the encouragements from one another when life in school gets tough is extremely reassuring... (: and i do think everyone in the LOVELIES dg is lovely inside and out. sigh. i am so blessed!

fourth,

a birthday celebration with my family (including auntie grace, uncle johnny, little darius and popo) over the weekend (: dinner was most fantastic at kymomoma (i think) though the sashimi didn't sit very well. adjourning over to ben&jerry's @ dempsey's was awesome! always wanted to bring the folks there. the merlionster was hmm... very milky and sweet. a little ugh.. haha. but i loved the homey country touch to the interior of B&J's. and i couldnt believe they bought a cake on sunday to celebrate again! (we ate one small slice on sat evening at dempsey's already!) haha. cakes are a permanent feature. the card was so lovingly made with sincere messages from everyone (: and the gift is so amazing. thank you mum and dad!

what can i say? they're my family and Stitch says that family means no one gets left behind. i thank God for a family who has been so supportive of me over the years, for understanding and giving in to me when it really ought to be the other way round. for parents who work tirelessly to make sure we're comfortable, to make sure we're doing ok, to make sure that we have all that we need. and every time i see their calloused hands, i'm reminded of all the sacrifices they've made for us. thank You God for parents so selfless and who works for the sake of us, monkeys, without complaints. for siblings to go nuts with, for siblings to share and uphold one another with. i'm thankful that i don't come home to an empty house, but rather i come home to laughter, love and joy though shouts and rebuke find their way into our conversations sometimes. but i'm still thankful that someone cares and bothers enough to reprimand me. thank You so much Jesus not just for a house, but a home.

fifth,

it was a long overdue breakfast on sunday with jaime dearest (: my dear mentor! jaimeee, i'm so glad we managed to have breakfast together albeit it being a little short. but it's still time well spent and i thank God so much for you! being ever so patient and understanding, so nice and sweet, reassuring and for simply speaking truth into my life through your words and deeds (: and i see Jesus in you all the time, from the way you treat people right down to the things you do. you're a really great mentor and you inspire me to run a better race for Christ, to set my eyes on the things eternal and to make everything count for Him. come to think of it, it hasn't been very long since you've begun to mentor me and already, you've made such a great difference in my life (: and for the the love of Christ and for music, let's continue to make a joyful noise and bring praise to Him in every season of our lives - good and bad! we will rejoice (: thank you too for all the gifts - the notebook, the exam pack, the verse card and msgs; so much heart and hard work, everything so lovingly, thoughtfully and painstakingly prepared. thank you (:

and for everyone else; all the thoughtful messages on facebook to smses, phonecalls, homemade (SO LOVING LA, haha) cards and letters and gifts and all the hugs and sweet sincere heartwarming birthday wishes, and even greetings from friends in faraway lands, thank you (:

it was so good to be able to go to church on my birthday to give thanks and to worship God in a

familiar sanctuary. i couldn't help but tear while singing the song The Stand, by Hillsong.

You stood before creation

Eternity within Your hand

You spoke the earth into motion

My soul now to stand

You stood before my failure

Carried the Cross for my shame

My sin weighed upon Your shoulders

My soul now to stand

So what can I say

What can I do

But offer this heart O God 

Completely to You

So I'll walk upon salvation 

Your Spirit alive in me

This life to declare Your promise

My soul now to stand

So what can I say

What can I do

But offer this heart O God

Completely to You 

So I’ll stand

With arms high and heart abandoned

In awe of the One who gave it all

So I’ll stand 

My soul Lord to You 

surrendered

All I am is Yours

this song struck me so hard... that God loves me so much and so deeply and at this juncture, at the mark of 2 decades of his faithfulness, how can i not be rejoicing? how can i not give thanks and say that i am blessed? so with arms high and heart abandoned, i'll lay back down at Your feet what is rightfully Yours - my life.

for i am exceedingly loved and blessed by You (:

a new dawn of leadership

i'm so glad that Obama won.

change for america

change for the world

here's to the new dawn of leadership.

"this victory isn't the change we seek, 

it is only the chance for us to make that change"

"yes, we can."

- President Barack Obama

"Barack Obama will take the oath of office on the steps of the Capitol Building, where he will become the first African American president in the US history. The thing that inspires me is that those steps were built by slaves. they built those steps not knowing that one day someone who looks like them will be able to stand and take that oath of office. that for me is the moment that we can finally say: we're free at last. we've freed ourselves at last."

- excerpt taken from "Obama's Place in Black History"

after watching the news clips on abcnews.com, i cannot help but feel the rush of adrenaline. we've witnessed the heralding of a new and most significant milestone, not just in the history of america, but also in the history of the world.

we're on the brink of change. for the better. 

click here to watch the video as John McCain concedes the Presidential Race.

click here to watch the announcement of Barack Obama winning the elections.

click here to watch the full Obama victory speech.

click here to watch Obama's election coverage: Place in Black History. (this is an incredibly moving clip about Obama's win.)

credits: abc news