check-up

christmas is here (: there's so much to be thankful for, yet i can't seem to place my finger on a certain heaviness. hmm. pretty much a similar syndrome that rudy and i seems to be going through. funnily, we're both serving in the worship team together this sunday. and well, it can't be a coincidence that we're both feeling the same way. i think it's Jesus re-wiring some parts of our hearts, eh? and i'm excited to be serving again (: but there's always a certain element of undercutting that takes place to sorta rob me of that joy of serving. just before you do smth for Him, something happens and *snap*, the joy and the anticipation of doing something for Jesus just goes. there's always a certain something that happens every christmas that makes me feel that much more attuned to a particular hurt. yet, i know He makes all things beautiful and i'm looking forward to that (:

blogging about personal thoughts, about the tussles in life, the ups and downs of serving, of being in ministry, its joys and pains, the almost constant check-ups of my heart of knowing who He is. especially in this season (i think i've had more time and work done in church this season than any other time.. not complaining but enjoying it, really. despite heartaches nonetheless), reveals that much of my vulnerability as a person to you, who is reading this right now. i know my blog is only mostly open to my close friends and young punks (i know you spy on me! haha. but you know i love sharing my life with you guys though you may not necessarily think likewise. heh.) whom i trust and i know i'm not judged by you.. i hope! haa. but it makes me wonder what you think of me when perhaps all you read about are struggles. no, i'm not always like that... in fact i'm positively happy and upbeat most of the time (: i'm sure you already know that. perhaps that is why this is what puzzles you when you read about all these. but i find solace in words, in writing. helps me straighten all that's in knots inside. but i still blog about life's blessings, big and small what... haha.

for much of what i've written, i've written with this one thing in mind: to share with you who i am, with you my friend, my honesty of being real with struggles in life, with Jesus in all of them.. or at least i try to. but it doesn't make me some emo zealot. life still goes on, but these make me that much more attuned and sensitized to everyone and everything. i want to share about Jesus - how He has worked in my life, how He's made me who i am today (: that He is my stronghold, one that i know never falls. Someone so close to my heart that gives me strength for every rough patch. and i'm certainly not perfect... but in Him i find chance. i find grace. i find renewal. acceptance and never rejection. love so perfect that i'm not afraid to be me.

at the same time, it is also a chronicle of all the great people in my life, in celebration of awesome friendships and of the great love you guys, friends and family, all my loved ones, have given/shared/taught me about (:

the cosmetic company, Maybelline's tagline is: "because you're worth it". and i hope that this vulnerability of who i am to you, is worth it.

a heart & head check-up is what it is everytime i blog. yeah, it is. it's funny how i came online with the intention of blogging a couple of lines to tell you guys that i have so so much to blog about, really awesome stuff (: gig at an army camp and all, but don't have much time to do so right now. and all these other slew of words came right out.

ah well. stream of my human consciousness.