i've been sitting here in the freezing computer lab trying to type my essay for the last 2 hours but alas, nothing came forth and it will probably continue to be that way until i've taken a good nap, that i pray will hopefully refresh the brain and eyes. but that will have to wait till i get home... argh. the lack of thoughts and therefore word count, frustrates me.
678 out of 2500 words.
*groans*
it will be awhile before i get there.
assignment season means that weekends remain the same as weekdays. it's work, work, work. i really shouldn't have taken 6 modules this semester. *facepalm*
perhaps, this lack (be it word or agency) reflects the way everything is in life right now. it's been getting harder to crawl out of bed these days. i believe i hit the snooze button at least 5 times each morning before i finally drag my butt out of bed. a complete lack of motivation coupled with a great sense of fear for school. the things i do, the things i sacrifice. is it worth it all in the end?
how do you love when you feel so hard inside? i've made too many mistakes, so much folly. it ought to stop. right now. rotten.
Father Father... i feel so despondent, i could cry right now. i feel hopelessly afraid of not doing well in school. for the 4 papers, 1 midterm, for the choral assessment.. will i get the scholarship that i've pinned so much hope on? for sacrificing my time for things which other people deem stupid for doing so. but God will they ever understand? will i ever see Your big picture? that these things that i do are of eternal value. why have i become so worldly-centred and not kingdom centred? why have i placed hopes in things that are temporal, that dust and moth can destroy? why have i not kept my eyes on Your promises that God, You will provide and that nothing is impossible. why have i given in to hopelessness? when i know that it's the devil's weapon? i've lost my joy. i've allowed my joy and trust in You be robbed, so stealthily and so unknowingly until now. i've allowed myself to feel so torn between the standards of this world and the standards of Yours.
how can i ever say enough that God hears... (: how can i ever say enough that He's here? as i was writing this, "it's alright" and "all day long" and "cling tight" came on ..
All Day Long
all day long
You stretched Your arms out to me
saying here I am
all day long
i searched for what the world couldn't give
You said here I am here I am
when my eyes stay on Your beautiful face
all the things all the world quickly fade away
it is here You take my sin see it caught
it is healed by Your consuming love
now we stay all the day in each others' arms
holding tight singing You
i abide and You in me
now i stay all the day in You, my heart's desire in You
i abided in You and You in me
what grace in You and i abide and You in me
what patient faithful love in You
and i abide in You and You in me
all day long
You stretched Your arms out to me
saying here I am
all day long
i searched for what the world couldn't give
You said here I am here I am
when my eyes stay on Your beautiful face
all the things all the world quickly fade away
it is here You take my sin see it caught
it is healed by Your consuming love
now we stay all the day in each others' arms
holding tight singing You
i abide and You in me
now i stay all the day in You, my heart's desire in You
i abided in You and You in me
what grace in You and i abide and You in me
what patient faithful love in You
and i abide in You and You in me
You were jealous for my heart
given to other loves
aching for the suffering they gave me
pleading for my heart's response your knowing love
that remains all the day earnestly knocking
It's Alright
it's alright
He's by my side
and He'll take good care of me
it's alright
He's on my side
and He knows
my every need
He said
O you of little faith
see the sparrows in the sky
unencumbered by the cares of the world
I feed even them
clothe the lilies in the field
how much more to Me are you worth then these?
He said when you're at your lowest of lows
I want you to knowI think more of you
then what you could yourself
My love is deeper than the oceans
wider then the valleys
higher than the mountain tops
I gave my Son for you
i said
You formed then fought for my heart
O Father how great thou art
i know all that You are seems too good but it's true
everything's going to be okay.. (:
and He'll take good care of me
it's alright
He's on my side
and He knows
my every need
He said
O you of little faith
see the sparrows in the sky
unencumbered by the cares of the world
I feed even them
clothe the lilies in the field
how much more to Me are you worth then these?
He said when you're at your lowest of lows
I want you to knowI think more of you
then what you could yourself
My love is deeper than the oceans
wider then the valleys
higher than the mountain tops
I gave my Son for you
i said
You formed then fought for my heart
O Father how great thou art
i know all that You are seems too good but it's true
Cling Tight
He spoke of freedom
and He spoke of healing
He opened o me the blessings of His victory
He said call on my name I hear you
call on my name I care for you
come to me you're burdened and weary
I'll give you rest
cling tight
dear heart
to Your God
if you lose all of your might
dear heart
your King holds on to you
He gives me freedom
and He gives me healing
and He will complete the good work He began in me
when my soul calls for help from a desert
You find me and carry me through it
saying breathe, just breathe
I've got you
oh sovereign lord
my strong deliever
who trains my hands for the day of battle
You rescue me from my strong enemy
You take me by the right hand and say do not fear
i will help you
take courage and cling
everything's going to be okay.. (:
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