purpose

Our calendars can fill up quickly.

But it’s easy to feel empty in the midst of a full life if

there’s no sense of purpose in the busyness.

We can be slaves to circumstance,

to feelings, or to what others might think.

We can look at the daily schedule as simply passing the time

until we get to something better in life.

Or we can approach life as an ongoing occasion

to be good stewards of what we’ve been given.

We can be intentional in our responsibilities and

relationships and be on the lookout for the opportunities

where we can best put our gifts to work.

With that outlook, our everyday duties and activities

contribute like a paycheck into

a lifetime account of contentment.

i decided to pay evelyn's blog a visit. and i stumbled upon this passage. instantly, i felt that God was talking to me.

it's so true... what the passage talks about. it is frightening to live without purpose. even more so when you think you're living with purpose only to discover at the end of the day that you're living it for the wrong reasons or simply when you start to lose meaning in your work.

i admit that sometimes, i get tired and ask God if this was truly what He meant for me to do. in times when i feel inadequate, when questions fill my head, when self-doubt creeps in, when i start comparing myself, when i feel lousy and think of things i could've done better. all these thoughts. they're humane aren't they? i can't help but think of such things sometimes.

you know how God gives us opportunities to perform. but at times, i find myself letting slip of these opportunities or worse still, i choose not to do my best just because i didnt feel like it, i feel like there's no motivation to do so. horror of horrors isn't it? dont worry.. it seldom happens.. and i hate it when it happens too coz i know it hurts God for me to make such choices and it makes me hate myself too.

tragically, i'm a "yes" person. i cannot say no to people. that, is a major flaw. and i'm still in the midst of learning to say no. more than once, i've over-committed myself only to pull out at the end. it's a horrid thing to do because you break your promise and you disappoint the person who trusted you. disappointing friends is the worst thing because you know it pains them and pains yourself. because they'll tell you how much they understand and that it's okay. but you know better. you gave them false hope. at the end of the day, you beat yourself up over the mistake of saying yes. sigh. it's just not possible to do everything you love. life has its seasons they say.

sometimes, i wonder.. if i'm doing the right things, if i'm being the person who God wants me to be and if i'm doing what He wants me to do, then why are things seemingly difficult and full of strife? why do i feel lost, unloved and looked-down upon?

we all wish to be smarter, better-looking, accepted, be well thought of by others and be understood. but truth be told, we don't live in such a utopian society. we judge, we sin, we tear at each other's throat.

scary, isn't it?

we could all approach life like that, be like everyone else at work or in school, where everybody will only do what's good for themselves and not give a hoot about how you feel. but that's not what God has called us to do.

"Or we can approach life as an ongoing occasion to be good stewards of what we’ve been given. We can be intentional in our responsibilities and relationships and be on the lookout for the opportunities where we can best put our gifts to work. With that outlook, our everyday duties and activities contribute like a paycheck into a lifetime account of contentment."

on the other hand, we could choose to be like the above. the right thing to do will always be the harder if not hardest thing to do, but the reward reaped will be far more lasting isn't it? doing the right thing will settle the butterflies in your stomache, gives you peace and better sleep. haha. jokes aside.. doing the right thing isn't just about following law, not just about making you feel better about yourself, it's about finding contentment, peace and authentic joy. ultimately, it's to honour and give God glory. after all.. we are created in His likeness.

in the midst of a hectic crazy school term, managing ministry, family and friends, Lord, help me be a good steward of what i choose to do and not be consumed by my own fears and thoughts. rather, help me focus on YOUR thoughts, to do what's holy and right in Your eyes. the devil may taunt and plant lies, but help me be strong in You and let not my faith waver. my purpose is in You God. hold on to me tightly and comfort me when i feel defeated. but let not my despair cloud my eyes because Lord, You've won all the battles and i am victorious in You. pls give me wisdom, discernment and joy, lots and lots of it even as i go about doing all that i have. Lord, i want to hear Your voice. just Yours.. amen.