in retrospect

this week has been a mad rush. i've never written so many essays within such a short period of time, done so much research for a single paper. it was no doubt challenging, but satisfying nonetheless. imagine handing in stack of papers, neatly stapled, with your big name on the front cover, knowing that you haven't written rubbish or smoked your way through, rather every word used was carefully thought about, every paragraph deliberately crafted; pouring out your heart and soul into it. think i was beaming when i handed it in. i was proud of it. i really did feel a sense of ownership and accomplishment. i'm not implying that i'll do well, just real proud of myself that i gave it my all. i did my best, so God's gonna do the rest. had a quiz too, but it wasn't too bad because it's open book. heh. but i studied for it! so hopefully, i'll do better (: work is really starting to pour in though... to think i was previously naively optimistic about how slack uni life is. boy.. am i wrong.

looking back, i realized that i've never really anticipated the expectations that i have placed upon myself as an undergraduate. yes, undergraduate. cant quite get used to calling myself an undergraduate...oh well. expectations to do well, expectations to speak maturely, expectations to want to be held in high esteem by the profs and tutors. expectations to get As. expectations of myself to outdo others. expectations to be the best that i can be. expectations to grow into the person God intended.

how time flies huh? just like what luanie said to me: cant believe you girls have all grown up so fast. all of you are in uni now. even eugene said that to me the other day: the last time i looked, you were only 13. and now, you're in uni! unbelieveable..

Starting a new phase of life is definitely exciting, but filled with dread sometimes. but all's good because i know i have a Big Guy up there who loves me so much more than i can ever comprehend (: there's nothing to fear, nothing to doubt. Oh God, You're so amazing (: simply amazing... my life would've been radically different without You. there's just no way that i could've survived alone. God is so good. from the little things to huge ones, You've always been there, always so faithful. help me stay faithful to You too (:

For Christ