sigh.

"Maturity is knowing the difference

between having something to say

and just having to say something."

- rick warren

journal/notebook loves (:

even more excited to start writing now (:

mmhmm, i've definitely taken to photography!

visual thoughts

for an undivided heart

that leads not by the standards of the world

but by the measure and grace of God's

to be still

and know that You are God, my God.

experiment

musings

In the sacred room of love:

for room to make mistakes; to flourish, without the fear of condemnation;

for tender, merciful hands and hearts to nurture and give grace without judgment;

for unconditional acceptance;

for words that speak&bring life;

to breathe truth,

in the absence of those that tear down and destroy;

for a flood of wisdom and mercy that guides and protects.

*

youthphoria

precious, precious people (:

Jesus will meet you there

"... be content with what you have, because God has said,

'never will i leave you;

never will i forsake you.'

so we say with confidence, 'the Lord is my helper;

I will not be afraid. What can man do to me?'"

- Hebrew 13:5-6

i've been feeling overwhelmed lately and i suspect that much has got to do with getting used to the speed of which things get done here in singapore. it's been 2 months but gosh, i'm still experiencing the aftereffects. pfft. Jesus, be my strength.

***

for in being faithful in weakness

Lord, i know You will meet me there

almost 9 months now

but i still miss you so much

whenever you're not around

you make me so happy

my heart feels like it's bursting

one of the pillars in my life

so incredibly blessed to have you

(:

burning bush experience

i went for pcg tonight and loved every moment i spent there. fellowship is so precious, it brings nourishment to dry bones and hope to one's soul as we share with honest outpourings of our hearts - struggles and victories, stories of faith and hope and of sharing in laughter. there's something about laughing together that strengthens one's heart or mine at least. loved it (: and these life stories are such common things that we always overlook God's hand in - struggles with managing money, school woes and joys, questions about life for God or how God came through for them. God is real.

Lance talked about moses' burning bush experience and how all of us long for that encounter to know that God is real but God is real like this, in the here and now, in the mundane ordinariness whispering and tugging at our hearts or challenging us to grow in understanding Him through the people around. i had my burning bush moment tonight and it was when i saw Christ reflected in faces of my friends and how others rallied around as we planned tomorrow's program together. tonight's turn out was very small but eventful. we laughed, talked and prayed and while the girls got squeamish at the huge green beetle, the guys marveled at its green colour. it's nice to be home and take root again.

(: blessed and deeply thankful.

for the first time in a long time, my heart feels strangely warmed, joyful, enveloped by God's peace. under His Wings. safe and secure. i think i savour more of each day and each person because i was and still am desperate for God's touch, to see and know that He is at work. and You came through for me.

"i live in my thoughts, in the car, when i write and talk to people. i don't just want to tell you about my day but i want to bring you into where i live and really am." - paraphrased excerpt.

i realized that life stories are everywhere. we share them on bus rides, car rides, over coffee, in photocopying rooms and phone calls. take time to listen and find God there.

for an eternal weight of glory

"may your blessings be many

but not what you hoped they'd be."

- pray/ Kendall

a couple of things brought me to this place of realization - maybe enlightenment, if i may put it that way - and of being bowled over by God's wealth of tender faithfulness and goodness and of just... being amazed by how He orchestrates life; yours and mine, and how He yearns to open the eyes of our hearts and minds to Him.

2 corinthians 4:7-12, 16-18:

"But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us. We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed. We always carry around in our body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be revealed in our body. For we who are alive are always being given over to death for Jesus’ sake, so that his life may be revealed in our mortal body. So then, death is at work in us, but life is at work in you... Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal."

just yesterday, Ian posted this song "Prayer" by a Kendall on facebook and i thought it was a great song but didn't really think about it that much but this one line "may your blessings be many but not what you hoped they'd be" kept resurfacing in my mind. but what struck me the most was what the preacher, francis chan, said: "we're always praying "God, change things" rather than "God, change me". we want God to change our circumstances and take away all these pain, all these trials, all these hardships rather than God's plans: "no, I wanna put some of these things in your life and you need to be praying for yourself to grow through these things."" at the same time, i was also pondering about how i would respond if people were to ask me how God has been real to me and i thought... God has never been more real than in moulding my character and being present in all of it.

as i look back in my life, i realized that i've asked God for many things - as how francis chan puts it, unbiblical - like a better grade, better looks, to be smarter, to have a better family etc etc but He never did. instead, He blessed me with blessings that are intangible (blessings that are not what i thought they'd be), things that have an eternal weight of glory - moulding my character.

we ask God for better families, perfect homes, relationships and easier lives when that only teaches us thankfulness on a superficial level and i am so... guilty of that. but for a family that has been through thick and thin together, that has persevered through trials and weathered storms and seen what's ugly in each member and yet still persists to love, to grow in understanding and appreciating each other - that's learning to love unconditionally. and that is itself, an eternal weight of glory. i think God is teaching me to see beyond the bad to see that there's a lesson to be learnt within it; to be refined.

these blessings come after trials, after we go through a season of pruning -- that we're able to see that God is at work in each of our lives and that all of us are being "worked" to attain that eternal weight of glory - a character and faith that's worth far more than gold. therefore, we always need to work at our salvation and to see more than ever the depravity in us that needs the redemptive touch of Christ. to remember and realize that God disciplines the ones who He loves and because of that knowledge, we can walk through our sufferings and be certain of an eternal hope that doesn't diminish.

that our many blessings will not be what we hope they'd be but they'd be blessings of eternal weight of glory that transcends beyond the superficial.

hiding place

I found myself a hiding place

I found myself a secret space

In the shelter of Amighty's love

In the safety of the Saviour's arms

I will run to the hiding place

I will run to the hiding place

Draw me ever closer to look upon Your face

I will run to the hiding place

I found myself a hiding place

I found myself a secret space

In the refuge of the Father's care

In the cleansing blood of Jesus there

Though my fear may overwhelm me

And troubles, they surround

Though the wind rise up to take me

My hiding place is already found

Oh, wanna lok upon Your face

I will run to the hiding place

i stayed by my window to watch the sunset this evening; how i love this time of everyday (:

i suddenly thought to myself... how silly i have been to worry about things that i cannot control and be bothered by what others think instead of focusing on what God can and will do.

to choose to trust and be thankful

***

beauty will rise

***

in other news, i think i'm starting to develop an interest towards photography :D the sister was so happy to hear about it. maybe someday, i may actually learn to use the dslr for all its shutter worth. we'll see (;

thankful

you were always there

through it all

the good and the bad

even though we were 9500km apart

so much hard and heart work;

from making time to talk to me everyday

to sweet surprises

to heartwarming gestures of love

i'm so blessed to have you in my life

to finally be back home with you;

what a feeling in my soul (:

so thankful for you

♥

faithful

i've been home in singapore for a month now but i'm still getting into the grind of things, still at the stage of re-entry. perhaps, i've been going out too much, doing everything but giving myself time to adjust and to get used to life back home in singapore. from zero expectations and responsibilities to having responsibilities; striving to carry them out, to meet and to fulfill expectations of family and friends. it's all a bit overwhelming.

and i've come to realize that in many things, i've always micro managed and because of that, have forgotten about the big picture, about looking to God instead of looking all around. i've been waking up with the feeling of dread in my stomach thinking that i've so much to do that i don't know where to start or with the sinking feeling that i'm not good enough.

but God is so amazing. He's greater still. Bigger than all of my struggles. they may huge to me but so possible to fix to God. He can heal my insecurities and past hurts. He can take all of that and make something beautiful out of it. I just need to trust and be faithful just as He has been to me all these years. As i look back and take stock of my life, I can't deny that He was there then. He is here now and will always be.

"Be strong and courageous, do not be afraid or tremble at them, for the LORD your God is the one who goes with you. He will not fail you or forsake you." - Deuteronomy 31:6

about a month ago, i was journalling and i felt God impress this one thing on my heart and i think He meant it for today, for this period that i'm struggling through. He said: "believe that i'm doing something good in your life even when it gets trying. i'm pruning you so learn and remember. let it enrich and prepare you for what's ahead. stop worrying and second-guessing. trust and have faith... I have great plans for you, a fulfilling purpose for your life. hold on to me. even if your grip slips, i am holding on to you, min. remember that you are loved, worthy of my sacrifice. you matter to me. the LORD whose hands holds the world is holding your heart. You were bought with a worthy price."

from a beloved mentor:

God is more than able to empower you.

"when you compare, you lose. either you are filled with pride coz you are better than another person or you are dejected because you don't measure up. comparison places what you know about yourself against what you don't know about the another person. what a depressing position to be in."

min, as you press on to win the battle of your mind, may the knowledge that God's love for you isn't based on comparison, free you to love fearlessly.

***

to love fearlessly.

i'm trying. i'm sorry ):

greater still

Give me eyes to see

More of who You are

May what I behold,

still my anxious heart.

Take what I have known

And break it all apart

For You my God, are greater still.

No sky contains,

No doubt restrains,

All You are,

The greatness of our God.

I spend my life to know,

And I'm far from close

To all You are,

The greatness of our God.

Give me grace to see

Beyond this moment here.

To believe that there

Is nothing left to fear.

That You alone are high above it all.

For You my God, are greater still.

- the greatness of our God/ reuben morgan

desire

and i also yearn to be home

to labour in His fields

to do and to give

***

You want to be real, you want to be empty inside

You want to be someone laying down your pride
You want to be someone someday
Then lay it all down before the king

You want to be whole, you want to have purpose inside
You want to have virtue and purify your mind
You want to be set free today
Then lay it all down before the King

This is my desire, this is my return
This is my desire to be used by You

You want to be real, you want to be emptied inside
And I know my heart is to feel You near
And I know my life
It's to do Your will
It's to do Your will

There's not much I can do to repay all You've done
So I give my hands to use

This is my desire, this is my return
This is my desire, to be used by You
This is my desire, this is my desire
To be used by You

"this is my desire"/ Jeremy Camp

***

ready to go and to serve

take me, use me.

here i am, send me.

blessed

all the way to Rome

thank you (:

amazed

seek Me and I will be found by you

faith, hope & love

to put one and one together

for a work that is produced by faith

a labour prompted by love

and endurance inspired by hope in Christ

- 1 thessalonians 1:3

God, thank You so much.

(: