faithful

i've been home in singapore for a month now but i'm still getting into the grind of things, still at the stage of re-entry. perhaps, i've been going out too much, doing everything but giving myself time to adjust and to get used to life back home in singapore. from zero expectations and responsibilities to having responsibilities; striving to carry them out, to meet and to fulfill expectations of family and friends. it's all a bit overwhelming.

and i've come to realize that in many things, i've always micro managed and because of that, have forgotten about the big picture, about looking to God instead of looking all around. i've been waking up with the feeling of dread in my stomach thinking that i've so much to do that i don't know where to start or with the sinking feeling that i'm not good enough.

but God is so amazing. He's greater still. Bigger than all of my struggles. they may huge to me but so possible to fix to God. He can heal my insecurities and past hurts. He can take all of that and make something beautiful out of it. I just need to trust and be faithful just as He has been to me all these years. As i look back and take stock of my life, I can't deny that He was there then. He is here now and will always be.

"Be strong and courageous, do not be afraid or tremble at them, for the LORD your God is the one who goes with you. He will not fail you or forsake you." - Deuteronomy 31:6

about a month ago, i was journalling and i felt God impress this one thing on my heart and i think He meant it for today, for this period that i'm struggling through. He said: "believe that i'm doing something good in your life even when it gets trying. i'm pruning you so learn and remember. let it enrich and prepare you for what's ahead. stop worrying and second-guessing. trust and have faith... I have great plans for you, a fulfilling purpose for your life. hold on to me. even if your grip slips, i am holding on to you, min. remember that you are loved, worthy of my sacrifice. you matter to me. the LORD whose hands holds the world is holding your heart. You were bought with a worthy price."

from a beloved mentor:

God is more than able to empower you.

"when you compare, you lose. either you are filled with pride coz you are better than another person or you are dejected because you don't measure up. comparison places what you know about yourself against what you don't know about the another person. what a depressing position to be in."

min, as you press on to win the battle of your mind, may the knowledge that God's love for you isn't based on comparison, free you to love fearlessly.

***

to love fearlessly.