i surprise myself that i can actually feel this way about valentine's day when it didn't matter to me at all in the past. it is just an arbitrary date and number but only made special by the intention and just having a significant other in one's life. i don't think i am being bitter but these are mortifying postmortem thoughts after a breakup that i pray will go away with time, as God heals and restores..

seeing couples cuddling and looking all lovey-dovey in public spaces especially the couple behind me in the library ( get a room already!! ) these days make me feel a tad annoyed. it's not the PDA that bothers me. but it's that i don't have the same kind of warmth and joy that they have. until today, what *** thinks of how i think still bothers me and i do wonder what he'll think of me if he ever comes back to this page to read this. i don't think he ever will because he hardly did when we were together... he didn't find it worthwhile to read, and that broke my heart. yes, i know of all the mature things i should do and think in such situations but in all honesty, it's hard to be mature at such moments.

valentine's day - the whole idea and concept of it seems so strange now in a sour manner. it's still mild sour taste but i can imagine it intensifying in the run-up to the actual day. 4 more days. have i become skeptical and cynical of guys? yes i would think so yet i know this mindset cannot continue because it's not good for anything. but i cannot help but feel that tinge of pain because i lost someone i loved or rather i was so deeply hurt by him to whom i gave my whole heart to. granted that lessons were learnt and will continue to be learnt, i can't deny that it has been difficult.

ed psych assignment - write thee yourself!!

like i said, i surprise myself with the angst and other newfangled feelings. newfangled not only cos it's spanking new and startlingly foreign, i'm just not used to experiencing all this. postmortem stuff.