but [to seek] the good of others - 1 cor 10:23

so awful. i've always thought that i'm good with people, until today.

Being on exchange hasn't been easy. sometimes i find it hard to reconcile standards and expectations and the actions. i'm struggling, to love. to accept. to understand. i've begun to judge more quickly than to love. how do i speak the truth in love? should i speak the truth in love?

and months ago, i wrote a note about loving; to love in the way God loves us - unconditionally; with grace. i was convicted to love more, and God prepared my heart to love with vulnerability, accepting and realizing that i shouldn't have expectations; to accept and recognize that a certain amount of hurting is an unpreventable part of the process. i could do it then but now i'm blinded to this truth that was once understood with clarity.

what happened?

it's so frustrating. how do i love again?

"but if your intentions are right, then there should be no judgement. we are all but fallen men. it is one thing to disagree with the actions, and another to judge/condemn the person." - luanie

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"make every effort to live in peace with all men and to be holy; without holiness no one will see the Lord. see to it that no one misses the grace of God and no bitter roots grows up to cause trouble and defile many." - hebrews 12:14-16

"keep watch over yourselves and all the flock of which the Holy Spirit has made you overseers. be shepherds of the church of God, which he bought with his own blood." acts:20:28

A sweet friendship refreshes the soul." Proverbs 27:9 (MSG)

Learning how to connect with people on a heart-to-heart, soul-to-soul level is one of life's most important skills. Unfortunately, nobody ever teaches us how to do this. You learn science and geography, history and math in school, but nobody teaches you how to connect with people. You may be brilliant in some subject, but if you don't know how to connect with people, you're still not going to go very far in life.

"For the Holy Spirit, God's gift, does not want you to be afraid of people, but to be wise and strong, and to love them and enjoy being with them." 2 Timothy 1:7 (LB)

How do you know when you're filled with God's Spirit? You're more courageous in your relationships. You love people. You enjoy being with them. You're not afraid of them because God's Spirit is in your life. The Bible says "God is love" (1 John 4:16 NLT) and "Love casts out all fear" (1 John 4:18 NASB). The more of God you have in your life the less fear you'll have.

God wants you to learn to be unselfish. He wants you to learn to love, to be generous like Him. Colossians 3:13 says, "You must make allowances for each other's faults and forgive the person who offends you. Remember God forgave you so you must forgive others" (NLT). Part of being considerate of other people's needs is making allowances for their faults.

Proverbs 17:9 says, "Love forgets mistakes." It's not that you are blind to someone else's faults; rather, you choose to overlook them. Great friends are good forgetters. They forget the bad stuff intentionally. They don't rub it in, they rub it out.

Use your words to build people up. Ephesians 4:29 says, "Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen" (NIV). God wants us to take these words and use them to build people.

One reason we aren't constructive with our words is we don't realize how powerful they are; yet, I bet you can still remember things people said to you in a thoughtless way as far back as grade school or college. That's how powerful words are. They leave a lasting impact. So when it comes to your mouth, think of it as a power tool and be very careful with it.

Here's how to build instead of destroying with your words --

1. Stop excusing. Stop saying, "I didn't really mean to say that." Realize that what you say impacts everyone around you.

2. Talk less. If it's a power tool, you don't have to use it as much. One of the reasons we get in trouble is we just talk too much sometimes. We need to talk less and then ...

3. Listen more. If I listen more, I can understand people's needs.

4. Start building. Think first of all, "What do they need?" How can I use a word of encouragement to build them up? How can I use a word of challenge to make a difference in someone's life? How can I use my words to build up the people I love the most?

"An honest answer is the sign of a true friendship." Proverbs 24:26 (GNT)

The fourth key to connecting with people is this: Be candid about problems in the relationship.

Being candid and being connected go together. You don't have one without the other. Genuine, healthy, deep, meaningful relationships are built on honesty, not on flattery. Flattery is a sign of a manipulator, not a sign of somebody who is genuinely your friend.

All of us have blind spots. The question that really matters is, do you have anybody in your life who loves you enough to point them out? You cannot grow unless somebody points out the things that you can't see in your life, but that need changing. Let me give you three rules for being candid in relationships:

1. Compliment in public, correct in private. Do this with your children, your spouse, your employees, and your friends.

2. Correct when they're up and not down. When I'm feeling good, I can handle almost any correction. When I'm feeling tired, I can't handle anything. Timing is everything when you're being candid.

3. Never offer correction until you've proven that you are also willing to be corrected.Remember, seek to understand before seeking to be understood. You open up your life before you expecting someone else to be open with you.

Connecting means we care enough to be candid. Who do you need to get honest with? Is there an issue you need to be candid about? "An honest answer is the sign of a true friendship." (Proverbs 24:26 GNT)

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"so whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God. Do not cause anyone to stumble, whether Jews, Greeks or the church of God -- even as i try to please everybody in every way." - 1 cor 10:31-33

Daily Hope/ Rick Warren