yes, the blog's back up again. bigger and bad-der than ever. ha. i'm kidding. i've been reading through old entries and realized how much of a jaded person i've become, a tad bit more cynical about life and that led to some rather depressing posts. and i was afraid of how much i may have become a stumbling block, hence the decision to close it for a little while.
many things have happened in recent months and it was definitely a period of transitions, decisions and adjusting, coping. as most of you already know, dad suffered a sudden stroke in the earlier part of the year and many changes took place at home. but truly, the Big Guy up there's watching over dad, 'coz he's recovering so well, so quickly that he's already back at work, working half-days. it cannot be attributed to anything less than that of a miracle, of God's mercies (:
it occurred more jarringly to me that people leave us everyday... in a short span of a week, 4 friends of mine have suffered the loss of a loved one, grappling with the reality of those have gone before them. i see death. so close. so real. that i'm no longer feeling invincible because of my youth. when i look at dad, i cannot help but think, "it could've been daddy". the transience and the brevity of life. but having the reassurance that death is not an end but a beginning of a much fuller life with Jesus is a great comfort... but i'm just glad that dad, you're still here. i'm just glad that you're still telling me that you need the seat belt whenever i drive.
the day dad suffered his stroke was also the day i felt most exhausted. december had been a great flurry of activities both in church and at home. i was feeling stretched. and school began only 2 days later. and then more work, important decisions that i wrestled with and had to make, meetings, errands to run. it felt like a long 2008. this exhaustion followed me through and through. and well, led to all the depressing posts.
but through it all, there was a light in the darkness that shone so brightly, giving hope to all the world, hope to all of us. and that is Jesus. it's incredible to behold, really, that as i look back at the long nights at the hospital, especially of the one spent outside the ICU, there was a peace and sense of calm that surpassed all understanding, guarding all our hearts. we trusted God for dad, to make all things good in His time, that He'd see us though.
and He did. look at dad now (:
this blog post definitely serves as a reflection of sorts, of the long year that has passed. as i sat pondering about things for the last few days, reading through some old cringe-worthy posts which have been deleted or at least hidden somewhere, writing an essay on values and beliefs, God seems to be whispering ever so gently to me of how growing is forever, of how a tree will bear fruit after being pruned; that i have come a long way, from how i was lost to being found, to falling to running, and falling again, but ultimately always being picked up by His loving arms. of just being honest with Him.
growing is forever.
so yes, a new blogskin for a new start, for a "new" year (:
thank you too, to all who have come alongside my family and i to cheer us on, for praying and just being there. for family who gave strength through acts of service, and everyone at church - uncles and aunties, pastors and dearest friends who rallied around us in ways intangible and tangible. it would've been so much harder without you. thank you (:
No comments:
Post a Comment