so much has happened within the past month; have been rather busy with things. hence, the lack of posts. perhaps not.. maybe i could attribute some of that to procrastination, somewhat. i feel compelled to blog but i'm not sure what i want to talk about anyway. i apologize to my loyal readers who have been coming to this blog for the past month and not being able to see a fresh new post...
anyway, i've been feeling tired. but i'm pretty sure that has something to do with poor time management. it's the holidays and i've been lacking in so much discipline. much have been done, but there is still more to do. and i want to be excited to do them; with a joyful and willing heart. somehow, i'm feeling neither right now. i don't feel excited about ministry. somehow, i feel like i'm just going with the flow, with the motions. perhaps that is why i'm not replying to my ministry emails because i want to sort myself out before doing so. don't want to give crappy ideas just because i have to. disgusting work etiquette, that is. but not replying mails quickly is tardy too. but delaying is the lesser of the two evils. it will be done tmr!
when i attended Go Forth Conference last week, a speaker said this one line that struck me most: "when you truly love someone, nothing is a sacrifice".
he went on to say that the same principle applies to loving Jesus. what we do Him shouldn't be a sacrifice because we love Him so much, everything is done with a willing heart. a random illustration of that concept is this: just like how XX's girlfriend lives in braddell but his gf casually mentions that she has a craving for some icecream. because XX loves her so much, he travels all the way to braddell from boon lay and does not think that that is a sacrifice at any degree. then again, most people will say that he's dumb la, which i kinda agree. just tell her to go to the mama shop downstairs to buy some la. haha.. but that's not the point.
but then again, this is something open to debate: there's no sacrifice in true love because if you really do love someone, sacrifice becomes an act of love. but it is a beautiful perspective to have to look at things, isn't it? but human beans being human beans, it's tough for us to do just that.
to love Jesus with all my heart and soul and mind... that my sacrifices be counted as the pouring out of my oil of love.
that aside, i've been feeling just a little bit jaded. because i miss you. like what Jaime said on her blog, the non-conversations breaks my heart. i miss talking to people, heart-to-heart, that is. i'm glad i caught up with jaim on sunday and am doubly glad coz luanie & yilin is home (: yay! i'm meeting luanie on thursday and yilin on sunday! but sigh, i just miss everyone. i feel disconnected all of a sudden... i don't know what's happening in your life, i don't know how i can be a friend to you. for some, we hardly talk anymore and i hope you know i'm still here (: friends come and go, but for as much as possible, i want to hold on to each and every one because i treasure and cherish them so.
ah, it's been exhausting. physically and emotionally.
find rest, find rest in Jesus.
No comments:
Post a Comment