on growing up


i think i do stupid things - all the time.

when i go to bed at night, i have the tendency to reflect on how the day has gone by and many a times, i cringe 'coz i recall doing incredibly; unbelieveably dumb stuff or say things out of plain idiocity. i wonder how the people around me tahan it. yes, i do realize that i'm verbally abusing myself. but i mean.. it's true right?

i think it's high time i stopped behaving like an empty vessel - making loud noises. it's time i stopped, listened intently and speak only when warranted. but then it's so not me.. i need to find a balance between being EXTREMELY crazy and EXTREMELY serious.

those who know me well enough.. know that i have these 2 extremes. that's how i freak the younger ones out at church. sometimes minyi is so crazy and can go high with them doing all sorts of silly things. but sometimes, that craziness gives way to absolute seriousness that i don't even smile and say almost nothing at all.

it's all about the balance.

now that i'm older, first year in uni. i should grow up and assume mature responsibilities. as an older sister and youth in church, i'm expected to set a good example and not be a stumbling block. i can say for sure that there're many things that i can't do anymore. i have to watch what i say, what i do, how i react and how i speak. it's not easy but i'm going to try.

let my walk speak loud
let my words be true
let my life be whole
and my eyes on You

and suddenly.. i realize that i'm growing up - fast. i still can't believe that i've started uni. i still feel like i'm a kid sometimes.

it was just yesterday that i was standing with the choir in the esplanade concert hall
it was just yesterday, i sat in that frigid exam hall taking my A levels.
it was just yesterday that i was singing at Fusion.
it was just yesterday that i was in Cambodia.
it was just yesterday that i did so many other things.
it was just yesterday that i feel like i should never grow up so that i can enjoy the childlike innocence of life.

but that being said.. it shows that i've grown up in some ways, doesnt it?